Reviews by Narya
Summary: Alex finds himself in Middle-Earth, but isn't exactly... Human?! Response to the challenge 'Animal Transformations' by Dunedain ranger of the North.
Categories: Movie-verse Characters: The Fellowship
Genres: Action/Adventure, Drama, Fantasy, General, Humor
Warnings: AU (alternate universe), Violence
Challenges: Animal Transformations
Series: None
Chapters: 3 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 1322 Read Count: 4879
Published: Feb 05 2009 Updated: Feb 16 2009 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Narya Signed
Short, sweet and most far it reminds me a little bit of "Official Fanfiction University" by Camilla Sandman (if you haven't read it then I highly recommend it!), but if Alex has turned into some kind of animal then clearly this story is going in a different direction to that one.

Your structure is really good - the contrasting sentence lengths add impact - but I'd double check your spelling next time, there are a couple of typos here. For example, "resembalence" should be "resemblance." I'm not being deliberately's just that you can clearly write well, and I think it's a shame not to make the story as good as it possibly can be!

I'll keep my eye on this; I really like the idea, I might even have a shot at the challenge myself next time I get chance.

Happy writing.

PS - DROTN is right, Alex is a very cool name :D

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing - I've enjoyed writing this story so far, and no worries about pointing out the spelling mistake - I worry about grammar and spelling too much, but at the moment my wordpad is down so I'm having to type on notepad, which has no spellcheck. I have read Camilla Sandman's university story, and it's one of the best original stories I've read, ever. I hadn't got that in mind when I started writing this, I just wanted to rise to the challenge because it sounded so cool. Do have a shot at the challenge, as I've said, it's really good, and I hope that you enjoyed reading. Thank you for the review! meerkatalex
Date: Feb 05 2009
Summary: For anybody else who has ever felt that they need to hide their fanfic habit. Rated PG for one instance of bad language.
Categories: Off Topic Characters: None
Genres: Essay
Warnings: None
Series: None
Chapters: 12 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 10094 Read Count: 19096
Published: Feb 08 2009 Updated: Oct 14 2010 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 5: Chapter 5 - Sian's view (xFanarix) Reviewer: Narya Signed
Writing is creative. It's almost magical.

Too true. All these responses have made me feel very proud of writing - both fanfic and original fiction. It's a privilege to write. I'm feeling less guilty about it by the minute. Thank you very much for adding your point of view; I always like to hear what you think!
Date: Feb 09 2009
Title: Chapter 6: Chapter 6 Reviewer: Narya Signed
I'm so glad you chipped into this! :D

With fanfic, gratification is instant: You “publish” your storie with the click of a mouse, and literally within hours, you will see the hit count on your story, and begin to see the reviews come in.

And you can experiment: drabbles, dribbles, poems, ficlets and vignettes and character studies; strange POVs; AUs; long and rambling WIPs which you can begin to publish long before you even know yourself where they are going! There’s no market for any of that in the conventional publication world.

I never really thought of it that way before, but it's true - it's great knowing that whatever you publish, it's almost certain to be read and reviewed. I especially sympathise with the "long and rambling WIPs" bit; my two main fics are both WIPs and I'm having a great time just letting them take off in the direction they want to go in, as well as getting unbiased and helpful feedback along the way.

Because there is never enough canon.

Because there are always alternate universes to explore.

Because there is always hurt that needs comforting.

Because there is always the chance to see your ‘ship come in.

Because we love the characters and the world and the story, and we never want it to end.

I love that. And it's so very, very true.

Thanks for adding your thoughts!
Date: Mar 10 2009
Summary: Braun, a Minotaur of Middle Earth, has been summoned to help choose the fate of the world. Will he follow the rest of his kind and fight for Sauron or will he fight for the side of good! Sort of a crossover with Narnia! Please review! Chapter 3 is up!
Categories: Movie-verse, Crossovers Characters: The Fellowship
Genres: Action/Adventure
Warnings: AU (alternate universe)
Series: None
Chapters: 3 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 4155 Read Count: 4562
Published: Feb 12 2009 Updated: Feb 15 2009 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1: Prologue Reviewer: Narya Signed
Intriguing stuff, Dune - I like your idea. You've built up the suspense well in this opening, and you write really clearly. The only thing I'd suggest would be inserting a double line space between each paragraph; it'll make it easier on the eye.

Take care - Narya

Author's Response: Thanks for the tip, I will get right on that! Glad you read and liked this story! Dune
Date: Feb 12 2009
Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 1: Attacked in the Dark Reviewer: Narya Signed
Nice job; your writing's improving all the time, and Braun engages the reader's sympathy successfully.

Nitpick: when Merry, Pippin and Sam follow Strider and Frodo up the stairs, I think you need a more dramatic word than "walk" to describe their entrance into the room. "Sprint," maybe, or "hurtle." You wouldn't just "walk" if your friend's life was in danger!

I like it though; I think this is an interesting and original idea. On to the next chapter!
Date: Feb 18 2009
Second Chance by Narya Rated: PG-13 half-star [Reviews - 150]
Summary: When fifteen-year-old Anna loses her sister in a freak horseriding accident, she has no way of knowing that Izzy has been given another chance to live and love. However, the afterlife works in mysterious ways; soon Anna is plagued by dreams that link her to a young woman from an age long, long forgotten, and to a blue-eyed foal that she has a nagging feeling she should recognise...

A response to Dunedain Ranger of the North's "Animal Transformations" challenge. Rated PG-13 for character death, emotional content and some mild language.
Categories: Book-verse, Movie-verse, Crossovers Characters: Original Character
Genres: Angst, Drama, Family, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Other
Warnings: Character Death
Challenges: Animal Transformations
Series: Second Chance
Chapters: 31 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 64189 Read Count: 43454
Published: Feb 12 2009 Updated: Apr 16 2010 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 8: Dinner and a Discovery Reviewer: Narya Signed
Oooops - typo in my response to Spiced Wine's review. "Unwillingly" was supposed to read "willingly." Temporary brain meltdown :p anyway this was the only way to correct it without deleting the review - and I don't want to do that :-)
Date: Jun 29 2009
Title: Chapter 1: Prologue Reviewer: Narya Signed
Oh, typo in my response to Tinara's review - should read "made me realise." Sorry! :)
Date: Feb 01 2010
Summary: Orlando Bloom is going away to New Zealand to act as Legolas Greenleaf. There Legolas in the movie has a girlfriend and her name is Hannah Walker.
Categories: Actor Fics Characters: Original Character, Orlando Bloom
Genres: Angst, General, Humor, Other, Romance, Tragedy
Warnings: Character Death
Series: None
Chapters: 15 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 15016 Read Count: 12283
Published: Feb 19 2009 Updated: Mar 03 2009 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Narya Signed
OK, I've noticed you've been posting this story for a while and haven't received any reviews, so I thought I'd leave you some feedback. Your OC, Hannah, is nicely written - she comes across as fun and likeable yet naïve, and you've captured her bond with Billy well (I'd like to see a bit of backstory with these two, some sort of explanation as to how they know each other so well). However, in giving her purple eyes and a tragic past, you're walking a very fine tightrope in terms of Mary-Suedom (if you're not familiar with what this means, follow this link: Some of it won't apply to your character, since you're writing an actor fic, but it should give you a fair idea of what a Mary-Sue is). Also, your grammar needs some work; you keep switching between tenses, and occasionally you use words that don't make sense in context, e.g. I think when you're describing how Orlando "symphonised" with Hannah, you really mean "sympathised." I'd advise you to look for a beta reader; there's a thread on the home page of this site you can check, and also it might be worth searching for one at as that site has a wider reader base and therefore more registered betas.

I'm not being deliberately harsh; I think you've got potential, but there are issues you need to work on. I'd be interested to see how you develop as a writer.

Take care,

Author's Response: I have no intended of copyrighting any ter people work. Like Hannah with purple eyes and a tragic past. i have has this ida for a long time. i am writing it jst for fun and something to do. and i just felt like writing.
Date: Feb 21 2009
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Narya Signed
Sorry, the link I posted in my last review didn't work. Try copy pasting this into your browser:

Author's Response: i am sorry this may seem very mary sue.. i like to write more or less all the detail and not just going to the main parts. really just want to write a classic scenario. i thank you dearlyfor your advice and i will tak it in. but i believe if people don't really wan to read just clik away. i am notbeing harash to your advice. i like it. and i appreciate it. if you could, any more hints appreciated.
Date: Feb 21 2009
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Narya Signed
I agree with xFanarix's comments below; nobody has flamed you, it just doesn't happen on this site. Don't, however, give up - though by all means take chapters down for re-editing, this is excellent practice. The more you write, the more you will improve. Good luck.

Author's Response: thank you for the advice. I willbe re editing and so forth. And I am going to let everyone know that my first language is english. I can't look at the computer screen and type at the same time.
Date: Feb 23 2009

A ring can represent practically anything. Undying love, a silent promise, real friendship, commitment, but also nobility, worship or faith. There are rings that symbolize dependence, enslavement, eternity, and apparently there is one that stands for all that’s evil in this world. But let’s not forget a ring is nothing more than a piece of metal that fits nicely around a finger. It doesn’t even have to be pretty.

So don’t ask me why I ended up risking my life, going on this quest to destroy one. I mean, you can’t really blame me for getting caught up in things I don’t even believe in, right?

Be warned: this is a tenth walker fic and English is my second language. It’s possible you’ll hate this story, but don’t forget you’re not legally obliged to do so. And seriously, I really like readers and absolutely love reviewers.

Categories: Movie-verse Characters: Aragorn, Boromir, Frodo, Gandalf / Olorin, Gimli, Legolas, Merry, Original Character, Pippin, Sam
Genres: Action/Adventure, General, Romance
Warnings: AU (alternate universe), First Draft
Series: None
Chapters: 25 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 60019 Read Count: 70140
Published: Mar 04 2009 Updated: Jan 24 2015 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Narya Signed
Hi Ndil!

Firstly, if you hadn't said anything, I wouldn't have realised that English isn't your second language :-)
so congratulations.

Secondly, I agree with xFanarix - I don't feel like this is "just another Tenth Walker". It's funny, for a start; far too many GIMEs just leap straight into the angst and romance. I have to say, falling into ME whilst dressed in ski attire isn't something I've come across before! ;-)

Well done. I'll keep reading.

Author's Response: Hi Narya, thanks for reading and reviewing. I hope you'll keep enjoying it. I guess the good thing about writing in a foreign language versus speaking that language is that at least no one notices the accent. So I just have to try to keep my grammar clean, and only microsoft knows how often I use my spelling checker :P. Don't ever hesitate to tell me if I messed up somewhere. Thanks!
Date: May 26 2009
Title: Chapter 16: Chapter 15 Reviewer: Narya Signed
“ Do Elves ever have a midlife-crisis?”


Sorry for the lack of reviews, Ndil; I haven't abandoned the story, I'm still following. I've just had a busy period.

This is still a fresh and fun take on the standard girl-from-our-time-goes-to-ME plot; your OFC is likeable and interesting, and her relationships with the Fellowship are touching and realistic. I also like how you have her making comparisons to modern objects and technology, e.g. the palantir to Skype. An all-around good job.

Author's Response: Thank you again! I'm glad you found this bit funny, it was supposed to be :P. I'm also glad your still following! And the plot of this story is a 100% standard girl from our time goed to ME plot. I just try to use Iris to make up for that. Thanx!
Date: Jul 01 2009
Summary: The lost first draft of The Hobbit. We can see, now, why Tolkien rid himself of it as it is really very repetitive and annoying to read.
Categories: Book-verse Characters: None
Genres: Humor
Warnings: None
Challenges: Bad Beginnings
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 280 Read Count: 2061
Published: Mar 22 2009 Updated: Mar 22 2009 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1: A Party Not Expected Reviewer: Narya Signed
Teehee!! I'm glad the professor did a bit of editing here! Very funny; nice work :-)

Author's Response: Thank you! :) I'm glad the "Professor" decided it a bit excessive myself. lol
Date: Mar 22 2009
Summary: The greatest harm can come from the best intentions. A young woman is thrown into Middle-earth, will she be able to hold her own among the nine companions? Will her desire to help cause more harm than good?
Categories: Movie-verse Characters: Legolas, Original Character
Genres: Action/Adventure, Humor, Romance
Warnings: Graphic Sex
Series: None
Chapters: 10 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 49536 Read Count: 12361
Published: Apr 22 2009 Updated: Sep 09 2009 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1: The Elephant Hawk Moth Reviewer: Narya Signed
Hey! I saw you were new to the site and thought I'd stop to say hi and leave you some feedback.

Yes, you're right, this has been done before...but that doesn't mean it can't be done well. There are some fantastic Tenth Walker stories on this site (I strongly recommend you take a look at Pink Siamese's "Hobbitland") along with the...ah...not so good :p in my experience, writing a decent Tenth Walker is a question of writing well, avoiding OOC behaviour in canon characters and making sure your modern-day character has enough depth to avoid the dreaded label of Mary Sue.

You're already one step ahead of the vast majority of Tenth Walker writers in that your writing style is fluid and concise, though I'd like to see a little more in the way of description. I think you've made some interesting choices with this piece, such as having a fae/fairy/supernatural creature lead her into Middle Earth, which suggests some greater reason for her being there. If handled right, this could bring a lot of depth to the story that many tenth walker fics lack - too often it's just a case of a girl falling through a random portal! I also liked that she found it difficult to accept she's there; another thing that tends to annoy me about this kind of story is that the girl tends not to be bothered about having suddenly fallen into another dimension and possibly not being able to go back. I really like your decision to make Legolas dark-haired, too; that makes an intriguing change!

Nitpick: "elf" should be capitalized.

I'll keep my eye on this; I'm curious about where you'll take it. Is it a WIP or have you finished it already?

Take care,

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review, I hope that I can stray from the cliché and overused. ^_^ Sorry, I didn't even realize I hadn't capitalized 'elf' I'll go through and fix that. It's still WIP, I'm not even close to finished. Hehe, I'm not even through the first book yet...I intend to take this to the very end.
Date: Apr 22 2009
Summary: King Aragorn has an intresting dream.
Categories: Book-verse Characters: Aragorn
Genres: None
Warnings: None
Challenges: Animal Transformations
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 341 Read Count: 2375
Published: May 04 2009 Updated: May 04 2009 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Narya Signed
Nice work; I enjoyed this. Short, sweet and smart.

The descriptions of the cheese made me feel hungry!

Author's Response: Me too. I love cheese, so I pay attention to it. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Date: May 09 2009

Moriah is your standard college girl. Nothing out of the ordinary. So why are there nine confused travellers at her dorm? I promise this is not a Sue-fic.

Categories: Crossovers, Off Topic Characters: Original Character, The Fellowship
Genres: Fantasy, General, Humor
Warnings: None
Series: None
Chapters: 7 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 3948 Read Count: 8057
Published: May 04 2009 Updated: Aug 02 2009 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1: I swear to God, I'm not tripping. Reviewer: Narya Signed
Teeheehee, this just gets better and better! I loved the title for this chapter, and I think Pippin's reaction to the car alarm is spot on; he probably would find it absolutely terrifying. Keep going, please!

Author's Response: More is on the way! I'm so glad you liked the title, I'm having fun making them up.
Date: May 12 2009
Title: Chapter 1: I swear to God, I'm not tripping. Reviewer: Narya Signed
Oh, this is so funny!! Great job! :-D I loved Pippin setting off the car alarm - so typical! And...Gandalf swears!? I'm scandalized! (Not really - it works well. I didn't stop laughing the whole way through).

Author's Response: I'm sure Gandalf does swear, just not when everyone else can hear him. Although this situation probably warrants a few curse-words. Thanks for the review, I'm glad the story is humorous!
Date: May 09 2009
Title: Chapter 1: I swear to God, I'm not tripping. Reviewer: Narya Signed
LOL! Very funny, caller, and a nice reversal of the usual GIME situation - I love reading about LOTR characters in our time :-)

Author's Response: In a way GIME is so much easier to write because the characters have to do the explaining, not the girl! There's so much more to embellish on in Tolkien's world because it's something that's easy to change. It's hard to alter events in history that you lived through to fit your story. Thanks for the review!
Date: May 04 2009
Title: Chapter 5: F.U.B.A.R: Story of my Life Reviewer: Narya Signed
Yay, Brandon McEwan! :-D

I love this story, it makes me laugh so much.

"I'd be pissed off too if I had to go out into a snowstorm to turn off my car alarm and then found eight freaks with swords.

Oh wait. That already happened to me. Minus the car and all."

Brilliant! More, please!

Author's Response: More is on the way, and I'm so glad the story makes you laugh! Thanks for the review!
Date: May 17 2009
Summary: An essay describing how I came to Tolkien and the role it played in my childhood. Round Robin - please do add your own thoughts and experiences!
Categories: Off Topic Characters: None
Genres: Essay
Warnings: None
Series: None
Chapters: 8 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 11572 Read Count: 10899
Published: May 12 2009 Updated: Jun 02 2009 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 2: An Unexpected Journey Reviewer: Narya Signed
Aww wow that's awesome! Some lovely memories there :-)

I love Queen too - and I also imagined the Ents to look like those apple trees from the Wizard of Oz!

That was so much fun to read. Thank you for sharing - both of you.
Date: May 12 2009
Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 3 ~ And the doors in my mind swung open... Reviewer: Narya Signed
Oh, thank you so much for adding to this! I can just picture you lying in the hammock and being engrossed in The Hobbit...and I also type out massive long quotes and pin them to my noticeboard at uni!

Tolkien is timeless for many reasons, but his use of folklore speaks to something deep within our race memory, Elves, sorcery, artifacts of Power, the death of hero's and tragic last stands (which is very Anglo-Saxon, and if any-one has a chance to read Esteliel's superb essays, please do.) hence that feeling of familiarity, or that is what I believe.

I think that's absolutely spot on; it speaks to us on a very primal, basic level. And I will have to look at Esteliel's essays!

By the way, since your essays were pretty much all Tolkien-related, I think you'd be safe to put them back up - I loved them, so please think about it!!
Date: May 13 2009
Title: Chapter 4: Thank you, by Ndil Reviewer: Narya Signed
This was a lovely essay, Ndil - I totally agree that Tolkien reads like history! And I also agree that it's very unfair that nobody translated the appendices.

Did you ever re-read The Hobbit?

Thanks for adding to this! :-)
Date: May 31 2009
Summary: A new dark is born out of Legolas's folly.
Categories: Lord of the Rings Slash Characters: Aragorn
Genres: Drama
Warnings: First Draft
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 727 Read Count: 1185
Published: May 15 2009 Updated: May 15 2009 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1: The end of middle earth Reviewer: Narya Signed
Hi Poetofmiddleearth, welcome to the site!

You've definitely got potential, and there is a wise moral to this story - or at least this chapter, with Legolas' comment on the ants. However, there are a couple of grammar issues, mainly with your writing of dialogue. A beta reader would be able to help you with this; there's a thread on the home page of this site which you might want to look at, where several betas have posted to offer their services. Something else that you could do to improve your story is to include a bit more description - for example:

"But suddenly the boss orc came out of nowhere and attacked them fiercely. The attack was so violent that they were both nearly killed. But somehow they killed the boss orc"

This is very clinical and matter-of-fact, and because it is so brief the reader does not feel involved in the battle; there is very little excitement. If, on the other hand, you included more details about the fight and how Legolas was feeling at the time, it would pull the reader into your tale and make them keen to read more. It would also make the action easier to visualise.

Finally, you shouldn't use words like "okay" in serious fanfic. You can get away with it in humour fics, but in any other kind of story modern slang feels out of place.

Keep going with this, and best of luck with the writing :-)

Take care,

PS - because this involves battle scenes, blood and death, you need to rate it higher than G. I'd put it at PG-13. Also, you need to add an AU warning to the summary ;-)
Date: May 15 2009
Instinct by Anwyn Rated: PG-13 [Reviews - 23]
Summary: Victoria Wright is a sucessful Animal Rights Lawyer with a reputation of incarcerating those guilty of Animal Abuse.

In one fateful moment Victoria's career would take a most unforseen turn.
Categories: Off Topic Characters: Original Character
Genres: Action/Adventure, Fantasy, Other
Warnings: AU (alternate universe), Violence
Challenges: Animal Transformations
Series: None
Chapters: 3 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 5604 Read Count: 5882
Published: May 16 2009 Updated: Jul 26 2009 [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: Viscious Reviewer: Narya Signed
Oh, so she's a lioness! Wow! And by the sounds of it she's somewhere in the south; this is all most intriguing...

Great work - I love your descriptions, everything's so vivid, I feel like I could be there :-)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the kind review, Narya. I wanted to take on this challenge but also find an animal that had not yet appeared in this challenge and since I know that there would have not naturally be any Lions in the North I did decide to put the story in the South as it is a place that has always fascinated me. I am so pleased to hear my descriptions were so vivid that you could place yourself there but unfortunately it is not such a nice place to put yourself, not for the moment at least. Thanks again! :)
Date: May 28 2009
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: Viscious Reviewer: Narya Signed
Oh, gosh, Anwyn! This is an exciting start to the challenge, I can't wait for more. I wonder if Victoria is dead or if she's in a coma or...well, I'll stop speculating, I don't want the surprise to be spoiled :-)

I never know what to think in cases like these, with an elderly person who lives alone with hundreds of animals; I think it's terrible, but I can't help wondering if they've just lost the plot, if they're mentally ill or something. A sad situation for all concerned.

Your description of the state of the animals was heartbreaking.

Am now on tenterhooks for the next installment!

Author's Response: Thank you so much Narya! I do my best to kick things off to an exciting start when I can and this is not going to be a terribly long story, I think, at the moment so I want to keep things rolling along. It breaks my heart when I hear about an old house filled with cats but the thing is that yes the person is usually mentally ill, It is really a form of hoarding but with live animals which is terrible and in the last few years I have seen way too many stories of houses full of cats and dogs and most have to be destroyed as they are just too sick or mentally damaged, It is horrible, abseloutely horrible what people do to animals and I feel punishment should be stricter....Victoria just happens to share my views on this ;) As that will play a major part in the upcoming story. I will have the next installment up soon with any luck, I have a few stories going on but since I feel like I have some momentum going on with this one I want to continue as I feel I have a good idea of where I am going to take it but just working out the 'How' part of things. Thanks so much for the Review! :)
Date: May 17 2009