Author: Eamane Aldarion
Beta: Blackrose (courtesy-T. Futcher)
Characters: Melpomaen, Haldir (In Thought)
Feedback: Sure! Eamane5@aol.com
Note: This is a little something of a spin off inspired from the
extended version of my first story, “The Hard Travelled
Path to Destiny.”
Disclaimer: Characters are the property of J.R.R Tolkien. I just have
fun with them. No money made here.
Summary: Melpomaen’s thoughts of regret over a lost love. (Haldir)
Archives: Lord of the Rings Fanfiction, Slash Fiction.net- Anyone else, please notify me first.
Timeline: Takes place in Valinor; long after the Fellowship.
Author’s Note: Italics used for emphasis.
I wipe away a fugitive tear as I ponder thoughts of the utter fool I had been so many centuries ago. What manner of elf was I then- not to see even a *glimmer* of things that are so vastly apparent in him now? I remember gazing at him with such haughty disdain when he offered me his love, and as I look at him now I cannot remember why. Was it for his lack of nobility or for the rumours that spread around him like raging bonfires? Or was it perhaps for his stoic demeanor that I deemed arrogant and unfeeling? It would seem that the worst of it all must be attributed to myself, for in my foolish haste I cast him aside. As a further misdeed to him, I myself became the wicked elf I had once perceived him to be.
Why had I not left well enough alone? It did not matter that I sliced his heart to shreds with my rejection, I sought to punish him still for having the unbridled gall to address himself with love to me. I moved in shadow and drifted across two cities- seeking to hurt him by means that would destroy him, for he had eventually found another love. A love that as time passed grew so intense there was naught else left for them but to bind in ultimate glory and passion. For some unearthly reason it pained me to see him so near happiness, so I had to try and stop it. It almost worked, but I had severely misjudged his companion’s smiles and gestures. The elf had been kind, stunning and alluring and it was my intention to conquer him- not so much for myself as it was for my insatiable need to hurt *him.*
How blind I was! Why could I not see that he ruled my every thought and motivation? Why could I not see it before his beguiling lover perished and his heart turned to stone? For then, in a moment of clarity-I realized that I *loved* him! I loved him despite all of the things I *thought* I despised! But, as it happens so often with fools, the realization had come far too late. His lover’s demise had taken his heart with him and he gazed upon me after that with dead eyes.
Taking every chance that I could moving between our two cities to just be near him, I watched with great sorrow as he eventually took a series of lovers- all the while wishing it were me. He broke a few hearts, yes… but not because he did not warn them aforehand. They tried, (like I wanted to-but was not allowed the chance ever again) to win his heart, knowing it was there somewhere lingering in a dark abyss-but his heart was out of reach to anyone’s touch. All he would allow himself to give them was the magnificence of his body, and magnificent it was… for I gained that knowledge many a day hiding skillfully in the underbrush as he bathed in the river. For some of them, the sharing of his body was not enough… but for me it would have been something-*anything.* But alas, I cheated myself of that pleasure and have no one to blame but myself.
Oh yes, he has always been politely courteous whenever we have crossed paths despite the searing pain I had caused him, but never again did I see the sparkle in his beautiful gray eyes when he looked at me as I saw the day he had professed his love. Before this day, only one other bore witness to that sparkle, but sadly that elf was taken from him as well.
But the Valar deemed it time for his suffering to end. He interceded and sent forth the golden Prince, and all that I could not see in him so very long ago shines so bright now that it is blinding. His eyes sparkle once more and his smile (oh, what a smile) is as broad as Nimrodel. His suffering has been rewarded better still, for the golden Prince himself has been bestowed a special gift. He has given Haldir a son, and as I sit here watching them rejoice in the miracle of that son’s birth, I cannot help feeling anything but happiness. The Valar has compensated for my cruelty, and even though I silently mourn my lost love for him, I too can rejoice in the knowledge that he is finally happy- for all I have wanted to do since having my moment of clarity was to see him so, even if it is not with me.
I snap out of my reverie as I hear them calling to me. Can this be so? They are looking at me… the golden Prince and my beautiful silver lost love. They are gesturing to me. I look around to see if it is another to whom they beckon so, and I see no one else. I turn back to them and they gesture again. Haldir is smiling, and his eyes gazing upon me are no longer dead. I move towards them and I need not hear the words from his lips. I know he has forgiven me, and my heart is so much lighter now that it is fluttering wildly in my breast. Before I reach them, I raise my eyes skyward and silently thank the Valar for ending my torture of guilt as well. Then I join them and gaze upon the wondrous silver haired, stunning little miracle that is their son.
***This story is a sequel to "The Hard travelled Path to Destiny***