He was the brightest diamond in his land. With soft blond hair that could surely feel like a spring breeze caressing your skin, Legolas was the fairest example of elven beauty among his people.
With the most tantalizing blue eyes and lips that looked always moist, like fresh berries yearning to be taken, the elf was wild, untamed, dynamic and young.
Though he was a true sight for sore eyes, Legolas lacked the will of being among his people, preferring the company of the trees and animals far better. He had always found it difficult to deal with other elves, let alone humans! They were by far too complicated, therefore the peace nature offered him had always been welcomed and cherished.
Being raised to follow in his father’s steps and become the king of Mirkwood someday, prince Legolas craved the solitude of the forests to easy his mind whenever the pressure became too great. Thranduil was a very demanding father, and he sought to make of Legolas a wise and powerful king some day. He had always looked upon Legolas with pride, since he was just a kid, the fairest Mirkwood had ever seen. And even though his father sometimes worried more about his and Mirkwood’s future, Legolas knew he was loved. He just wished his father’s love to be shown with more affection and... Well, that was something he had ceased dwelling about long ago.
Legolas didn’t believe in changing people for his own will. If his father had his own distant and slightly cold way of showing affection, he couldn’t blame him for it. His whole family seemed sometimes to be as icy as the color of their skin... so pale, so fair... Of course he knew them, elves, could burn with passion... he was told they could even perish of a broken heart!... But this was a whole other reality, that even though a part of him wondered about quite often with child-like curiosity, he never really allowed himself to think of matters of the heart. Because for some reason these matters of the heart always brought other feelings along, and Legolas never knew how to deal with the stiff desire that sometimes took over his flesh. He was ashamed to ask anything about it, it sounded better not having answers than having to expose himself and ask anything.
Maybe he was just too young... Well, whatever reason it was, Legolas could always forget its painful matters when he found himself hidden in the heart of Mirkwood’s forests. The living creatures there, the flowers... they all managed to lift his spirit, and as he sometimes ran and ran, and ran wildly through these woods Legolas found passion fill up his heart. That was what he wanted from his life. If he didn’t have that much of a sociable connection with the others of his kind, at least he could spend his time in the fresh shadows and brightness of the woods. Not only did he find peace in there, but he could always find the most beautiful places where he could practice his archery often. In time Legolas had even learned how to communicate with all the pulsing life he found in these woods.
And right now this life that pulsed in the woods was announcing the coming of a new season. Legolas smiled as he examined flower by flower in some of his favorite trees. Spring was about to be born again, and he couldn’t wait to see all that forest covered with the brightest colors and the most beautiful sounds of the birds, and...
The elf looked around. The sound of another elven voice had always gotten him startled, specially being him in the middle of his woods. It wouldn’t hurt him that much if none could speak and only nature was allowed to voice its life. His brother’s screams always hurt him in intensity. What he lacked in sharing with people his brothers had too much. They were always in the middle of other elves, and noise was always heard whenever they were nearby. Now that their mother had decided to spend some of her time in Lorien, it was even harder to keep those two from annoying their shy brother whenever possible.
They would run after Legolas, tease him, whatever they could manage to bring their brother’s features red with either anger or embarrassment. Of course they loved the second much better. It had been only once those two had entered the woods in the beginning of the evening, searching for Legolas and had heard him on top of the highest tree, seeking lone pleasure in a rare moment where he had given in to something so strong he couldn’t even understand... Since that day his brothers had taken every single chance to make him feel ashamed. Even if Legolas knew his brothers did that as well, and much, much more often than he did… of course, none of them got as embarrassed as Legolas, and there was no chance he would tease back. Legolas was aloof! It was more than once and twice the times his brothers had compared him to one of the wild animals Legolas liked to play with. Aloof, fearful, untouchable.
Whenever his mother was there she would keep them far from him. She understood Legolas, at least she understood more of him than the rest of the elves. When she was around his brothers wouldn’t pick on him so much, making Legolas feel so distressed he would rush into the woods and sometimes not leave for a whole week.
He understood he avoided any kind of contact, of touch, even if he didn’t quite comprehend why. He didn’t know what were the naught feelings his brothers talked about. All he knew was what he sometime felt when he was alone and certain thoughts came, and if his brother’s jokes were about these feelings than he preferred much better to be trapped in the woods and never know of it. Legolas was soft and sensitive, but he had a hard time dealing with any kind of emotions.
“Legolas!!” That sound once again got him distressed. He didn’t want to answer to his brothers’ call, but he’d rather go and see what they wanted rather then let them enter the woods and bring their nasty comments to the one place where he felt safe and in peace. Against his deepest will he made himself go for his brother’s call.
The two blond elves stopped, obviously surprised to see him that suddenly popped up in front of them, probably fallen from a tree.
“Dad has arrived from his trip and seeks a word with you.”
“I don’t know. He wouldn’t tell us.” – the other answered.
“Probably some princeling stuff.” – the shorter one teased him.
Legolas sighed heavily.
“Tell him I’m going.” – Legolas was ready to turn his back to them and rush back into the woods.
“He said he wanted you there as soon as possible.”
Legolas rolled his eyes briefly. His delicate features tightening in a frown.
“Alright. I’m coming.”
“We’ll go with you, make sure you don’t see a fallen leaf and rush to it to examine it and forget of your destination.”
His brothers grinned and Legolas closed his eyes. He strode faster, knowing that as soon as they got there and his father talked to him, he would be free again to go back to his own world. Hearing his brother’s little malicious talk always managed to take away his good mood. He usually didn’t like these princeling, as his brothers referred to, conversations with his dad. Matters of his future, his elven father would always say. Legolas hated those boring subjects, but it was with relief that they entered his father’s room, where Legolas knew he would be free of his brothers. It was not like he didn’t like them, he just wished he would be a little comprehended. After all, it wasn’t much he was asking, he just wanted to be left alone.
“You called for me, father?”
“Yes... yes, Legolas. We need to discuss something very important.”
He heard his brothers grinning behind him. He breathed deeply and calmly.
“You two, you can go now. What I have to speak to Legolas is confidential.”
He missed the warning in his father’s words for the joy of watching his brothers leave annoyed. When Legolas turned around and once again faced his father he was still smiling, in a much softer mood.
“Yes, father? My brothers said you craved a word with me.”
“Sure, son, please take a sit.” – his father indicated a seat in front of him and Legolas went for it.
His father watched patiently as the elf was comfortable installed. He knew of Legolas aloofness, and he was pretty sure the matter wouldn’t be very well accepted by the young elf. But his son should face the fact he was growing, he should be prepared to be king, and he Thranduil wanted his son to be the best King Mirkwood had ever seen, therefore it was very much needed that…
“So?” – Legolas’s clear blue eyes questioned. He couldn’t wait to be back to his peaceful forest.
“My fair son… It is known of us that you will be soon completing another circle of the sun. By now you are in the peak of your youth, and I can imagine how much energy you have to waste around the forests…”
Legolas observed his father with attention. He tried to read him, to know what he wanted before it was really said.
“… But its also known that you, as Mirkwood’s prince, should be preparing yourself for the great future you’ll have ahead. I’m sure you’re aware of this for we have discussed it many times already.” – he made a pause. – “What I want to discuss with you today is just another step in your preparation for your glorious future, son, and I sure hope you’ll agree with me when I tell you of my plans for you.”
Legolas felt slightly uneasy. He hated it when other people made ‘plans’ for him.
“As you know it is a King’s highest virtue the wisdom. And of elves this wisdom must reach all levels with no exception.” – his father stressed the last sentence and Legolas wondered the source of his father’s sudden apparent tension. He could do nothing but wait for his father to continue. – “As you already know, Lord Elrond of Rivendell and I have been friends for many, many years already, and in Lord Elrond lies my absolute trust and for him I grow the deepest respect. His persona as well as his land deserve nothing but my most sincere appreciation.”
“Yes, father. I have already heard you speak of Lord Elrond fondly.” – Legolas tried to urge his father ahead in the speech.
“As it should also be of your knowledge, my son, that Lord Elrond is one of the high elves to be found in middle-earth.”
Legolas rolled his eyes.
“Yes, I know it. But its not like we still care about it… its been too long since…”
“Hear me son.” – he cut him off. – “Be patient and listen to your father.”
Legolas made silence in resignation.
“Lord Elrond has lived in Valinor… as you said, it was long, long ago when you weren’t even born, child. He and his bunch of elves have shared the gods land, and have learned cherished knowledge about life and all the creatures in middle earth. It was over something insignificant that they no longer live in Valinor, but this is besides the point. What I’m trying to make clear is how special it makes of my friendship with the wisest of the high elves, Lord Elrond.”
Legolas stared emptily at his father. The conversation made no sense.
“We elves, Legolas, are amazing creatures. But in your young years there is much about our race you don’t know yet. Much about our wisdom and our powers.” – the man paused again, as if wondering how to go on and bring the conversation where he wanted it. – “I’m aware of how much you love your forests here, but you’ll find it very pleasant there in Rivendell. Its one of the most beautiful lands and…”
“What? I’m not going to Rivendell, why are you telling me that?” – Legolas snapped, startled. He didn’t even know that Lord Elrond! All he remembered was that he had been to Rivendell hundreds of years ago when he was just a child, and from what he remembered of the tall, dark haired elf, he was very serious and Legolas could even remember a lecture once received from him due to his playing in the woods. But it didn’t matter anyway, because his father wasn’t making sense.
“Legolas. I have everything arranged. You know how I seek to make the best for you. Please do not fight my decision.”
“What decision?” – he asked confused.
His father sighed.
“That you’ll be heading for Rivendell during the whole spring, so that in there you can learn as much as possible from Lord Elrond, whom I have already talked to and will gladly receive you in order to be your tutor.”
Legolas gasped exasperated.
“But wait, that’s not all.” – this time his father seemed to be gathering enough strength to get to the most important part of his news.
“What?” – Legolas questioned already struggling with the news. He hated leaving Mirkwood.
“Son… have you eve heard or an elven ritual called Beltane?” – he proceeded as Legolas seemed to freeze. – “It’s a ritual every elven prince or princess has got to go through before being capable of one day becoming king or queen. Beltane celebrates life at its best, and to teach about life it goes to the source of life, and in the source of life you find the purest of pleasures. I think its about time you go through this ritual that will make you grow a lot more mature and will symbolize your passing to adulthood.” – he studied Legolas trying to study his son’s reactions but the elf was unreadable. – “It is a ceremony of love and learning, where you’ll be sexually initiated.”
Finally some reaction when Legolas cheeks burned deep, hot, scorching crimson while his blood ran icy and quickly through his veins.
“Along with all the knowledge to be passed to you through sexual experience, and your passing from child to adult, there is much more to be taught, and I am sure you will return a new elf from this experience. Before you ask me, it is necessary that you go through it. As I told you and you must have heard once, it’s a necessary elven tradition for soon to be king elves. And the connection established through sex is the deepest and the key to all of elven secrets and wisdom.”
Legolas wouldn’t move. He heard the pounding of his heart loudly in his ears.
“I have already talked to your tutor, and as I told you before, Lord Elrond will be pleased to be your guide in this passage.”
Legolas lips finally broke apart in a heavy breathing as he stood, gasping for air, forcing himself not to break into a kneeing cry of protest.
“But father… I do not wish it!” – his blue eyes so wide…
“My fair son… it will be for your own well being…”
“No… no, I don’t want it to happen. I… as you said it yourself, I am young, I… I don’t need that to be king, father!”
“Legolas, please! You have never up till today stood up against any of my decisions, it won’t be now that you will disappoint your father!”
“Dad! I do not wish it! Please, do not send me there! I tell you, this ceremony will be of no use for me, all I need to learn about our elven nature is right out there in the woods, calling for me! I tell you, there’s no need…” – he spoke frantically when his father interrupted him.
“Unless…” – a thought rushing through his mind. – “Legolas!” – he called fiery, making Legolas cease movement. – “You are still pure, aren’t you?”
Legolas blushed again. He felt more than embarrassed, he felt humiliated. These were matters that always got him wanting to hide his face in shame, for some reason, and the fact his very father was now asking this of him was the more shameful to him. He wanted to scream that this conversation was not really happening, for he couldn’t stand the heat of his cheeks and the urge to run away and cry in embarrassment.
As the blond elf stood still, breathing hard, his father insisted more urgently.
“You still hold the virtue of virginity, don’t you?” – it was more than a simple question, it was almost a threat.
Of course he did of course! Why wouldn’t he?? Legolas wouldn’t let anyone come five meters close to him, let alone touch him, let alone touch him sexually! Of course he was still pure! Of course, why was his father asking?? He wouldn’t even allow himself to touch him in a sexual manner, so ashamed he was of everything…
Of course, there had been that one time when he was younger and was visiting Lothlorien when his cousin, Haldir, had tried… He recalled the feel of Haldir lips pressing against his own. Had he lost his virginity back then? Legolas was shuddering in front of his father, his mouth dry. Nothing had happened back then! Nothing!! Haldir, older than him, had tried, tried to… to put his lips on his, and… and touch him… bellow the waistline… But Legolas had fought him off, nothing had happened! Nothing had happened that day when Haldir had threatened to hurt him if he screamed for help. Nothing happened for Legolas lost his voice and couldn’t scream, but instead he had punched himself out of Haldir’s grasp and straight into the company of other elves, where he stayed for the rest of their visit, never again finding himself alone. Nothing had happened that day, nothing but, perhaps, the trauma Legolas had developed of sexuality. He rarely ever touched himself since then, afraid of… afraid of the swelling that took over his flesh and… so impure, he didn’t want… no one would ever touch him, he didn’t need this nature of contact… and…
“Are you a virgin or not, Legolas? Answer me!”
The blond shrunk.
“Yes… father… I am.” – by now Legolas was almost crying in shame when he gave his faint reply.
His father seemed to sigh relieved.
“I’m proud of you. I knew you wouldn’t disappoint me.”
Legolas couldn’t smile as he always did whenever his father displayed that sentence. He was far too worried with what he had just heard. Lord Elrond, to initiate him sexually? No! No… this couldn’t be true… Legolas didn’t want to be touched, he was afraid of touch!! He couldn’t stand knowing he would have to… to let someone touch him and… Legolas didn’t even know exactly what sex was all about… He… he had heard his brothers talk about it, concerning female elves, but even that he didn’t know how worked. He didn’t know how sex happened, and he was ashamed to admit that. When it came to sex his whole knowledge was that the subject made him burn right bellow the waist, and he was embarrassed with this feeling.
“As I was saying, you will leave tomorrow for Rivendell, where you’ll be during the spring, taking an important step in your way to Mirkwood’s kingdom as one of the wisest…”
“Dad!” – Legolas tremulous voice interrupted his father’s talking. – “What if…” – he trembled. – “What if I don’t want to go?…”
Thranduil smiled affectionately at his son.
“Legolas, you do need to fear. I don’t know what you have heard about sex and the fact that it hurts and you may feel some pain, but I can assure you Lord Elrond has been there before. He’s a very experienced elf, he has initiated many other princes before you, and he will make sure that you don’t feel any pain.”
Instead of soothing, his father’s words only generated chaos inside his mind. Pain? If before Legolas felt shame, embarrassment towards sex, he had just attached a huge, obscure feeling to it. Pain…? No one ever said anything about pain in the few conversations he had heard. Would he feel pain? Why?! Where would he feel pain?? Legolas trembled in rising panic. He couldn’t help the wild thoughts rushing through his mind. He thought of what he had between his legs, the flesh that sometimes swelled even though he fought against it… would Lord Elrond hurt him… there? Would he hurt it? Why? What for?! Legolas didn’t like his feelings that resembled fire, but he didn’t want to be hurt there either! He didn’t want to feel pain, he didn’t…
“I understand your apprehension, but I am sure everything will go just fine. Lord Elrond if the best tutor you could have, with a lot to teach and I’m sure he will be very patient with you.”
Legolas opened his mouth to protest. His father didn’t understand, he simply couldn’t go! He couldn’t! He wouldn’t let anyone touch him, he didn’t want to be touched!! He just wanted, please!, just wanted to be left alone within the woods and he promised not to bother anyone, why did this have to happen?!
“Father, please… I beg of you, do not make me go.” – Legolas wouldn’t realize he had hot tears running down his cheeks. Desperate rivers of agony.
Thranduil frowned, not remembering having seen Legolas cry ever since he was a little, little elf.
“Son… I refuse to understand this reaction of yours! You should be happy that I’ve got you such a good tutor. You should be happy you are going to learn things most of us, gray elves, won’t. You should be proud you are going to be king soon. You should be…”
But Legolas wasn’t listening anymore. In his mind there was only one thought echoing. He would be forced to leave his home to be sexually initiated by Lord Elrond, whatever was it that sex meant anyway, and he couldn’t escape, and he would feel pain. He didn’t know how exactly, what would happen, if he would be cut or beaten, or what kind of pain was it, and what part of his body would suffer it, all he knew was that he would be forced to be ashamed in front of someone else, who would do something to him, something that involved the burning fire he hated, and that this something was going to make him feel pain. And all this would be caused by Lord Elrond. He would make Legolas lose his virginity… even though how was something Legolas couldn’t imagine… how do one lose their virginity?… Legolas knew he had never had sex, but how to understand the loss of virginity when you don’t know what is sex and how it happens?… and then he knew Lord Elrond would do something to him and he would hurt. He would feel pain. That man he once saw briefly in his stay in Rivendell, that serious man, father of Arwen and her brothers, with whom he had played with as a child, that grave man was waiting for him. And Legolas knew this time their contact wouldn’t be about a small lecture.
“Do you hear me? I suggest that you go right now pack what you need. I wouldn’t want that you arrived late in my friend’s land.”
Legolas swallowed hard. It felt like the world was shattering to pieces and he didn’t know what to hold on to. If he protested his father would grow angry, and he certainly did not wish that.
“All right.” – he managed weakly. Even though he was agreeing, Legolas had no idea what to do right now, all he knew was that he didn’t want, he couldn’t go to Rivendell.
“That’s it, son. I’m glad to hear you have changed your mind. In the end you’ll see I was right all long.”
Legolas didn’t have anything else to say. He would not shed one more tear in his father’s presence. He needed to be alone right now. He needed to think and calm down, and think of something he could do to escape what sounded like fate.
“Can I go now, dad?” – he swallowed again. – “Is that all you had to tell me?”
“Oh, sure. You can go now, son. Think of my words and have nice dreams about your future. You’ll leave tomorrow as the sun rises in the east. Be ready.”
Legolas nodded slowly and lowered his eyes. Somehow he managed to turn around and start walking away back to the where he had come from. Somehow he gathered enough strength to walk back to the woods where he could be alone.
First LOTRs fic... feel free to tell me what you think and if you want more! *smiles* considering this is my first fic to the fandom, feedback is *really* appreciated for I want to write more.... but I obviously need to know if anyone will be interested! ;)