[Reviews - 22] Printer
Summary: What happens when the Canons of Fanfiction decide to teach fanfiction authors?
Rated: R
Categories: Crossovers, Other Movies, Off Topic Characters: Aragorn, Arwen, Boromir, Celeborn, Denethor, Elrond, Eomer, Eowyn, Faramir, Frodo, Galadriel, Gandalf / Olorin, Gimli, Glorfindel, Gollum, Gríma, Haldir, Legolas, Merry, Mouth of Sauron, Nazgûl, Orcs/Uruk-Hai, Original Character, Other Canon Character, Pippin, Sam, Saruman, Sauron, Théoden, Tom Bombadil, Treebeard
Genres: Action/Adventure, Fantasy, Friendship, Humor, Other, Parody, Romance
Warnings: AU (alternate universe), First Draft
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 23 Completed: No
Word count: 43598 Read: 13108
Published: Aug 21 2012 Updated: Mar 27 2016
Story Notes:
*Inspired by You've Got Fan Mail and The Official Fanfiction University Of Middle-earth. But only inspired, not copied.* Just wanna make that clear.

1. Chapter 1: Rory's Warm Welcome by ToriLee [Reviews - 11] (2256 words)
"Good Day to you all. I'm Oracle, your educational director here at TOUFA. Here at the Academy, we all hope that you will develop proper skills, and incorporate that into your writing. We..."

*cough

"Yes Tori?"

"I was just thinking that maybe you could just say the disclaimer, i haven't even begun the story yet, so TOUFA hasn't been created yet."

"Oh. Well...I"

"That's okay Oracle, I've got it." *smiles, "I think the schedules still need to be made up, so I'd kindly ask you to help Professor Pennyworth, you know how he gets about organization."

"Of course." *rolls away

"Well hey there. Now that I've got you readers. I'd just like to say that I don't own any characters from Lord of the Rings, other Canons of course will appear, and I'll mention them later. But I do own my OC and TOUFA. Just be wary of offensive languages, and or sex themes. And good luck!"

2. Chapter 2: The First Day of Rory's Ever Growing Insomnia by ToriLee [Reviews - 0] (1467 words)
"Oh my goodness!"

"What is it Tori?"

"Well Alfred, it's just that. I have school soon, and it's gonna be a pain in the ass to try and update all of the time."

*In walks Voldemort* "What was that I just heard?"

"Well Voldy, I can't update as much as I'd like, as you may know, this year's gonna be tough. What with homework and all." *sighs dramatically*

*Whilst doing the running man* "Hallelujah! Now you won't completely ruin my dark and sexy reputation by destroying me with your confounded words!" *prances away to tell Sauron*

"Well. I feel loved. Anyway. Disclaimer. I DO NOT OWN any Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Batman, X-Men, Avengers, Once Upon A Time, Phantom of the Opera, Chronicles of Narnia and Alice In Wonderland content displayed below."

"Thank Eru"

"Oh Sauron lighten up. I don't plan on screwing your character up...totally." *evil laugh* "Enjoy and review if you dare to!"

3. Chapter 3: It's A Rory Vs. Luster World by ToriLee [Reviews - 1] (1696 words)
"Tori. Tori. Tori. Tori. Tori. T..."

"What do you want Pippin?"

"The disclaimer."

*Slams homework down* "Very well then. I DO NOT OWN any Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Batman, X-Men, Avengers, Once Upon A Time, Phantom of the Opera, Chronicles of Narnia and Alice In Wonderland content displayed below. Happy?"

"Immensely."

4. Chapter 4: The Bet Of Suitors and Wizards by ToriLee [Reviews - 1] (1658 words)
*lights are turned on, illuminating the computer room. The swivel chair is turned around slowly. In it's seat is Dr. Evil himself, petting a white cat.*

"Dr. Evil. Get out of my chair. I need to write the disclaimer."

"All part of my perfect plan to stop you from writing this awful thing. Mwahahahahaha!"

*cracks knuckles* "Dr. Evil. You're not even part of this story."

"Wait what?" *checks piece of paper* "Oh, wrong room. But no matter!"

Dr. Evil quickly sashays out of the room ever to fiercely.

"Well that was odd. Anywho! I DO NOT OWN any Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Batman, X-Men, Avengers, Once Upon A Time, Phantom of the Opera, Chronicles of Narnia and Alice In Wonderland content displayed below. Review would be nice, they'd prove all the evil Canon characters wrong. Help the cause."

5. Chapter 5: The Ever Growing List of Problems by ToriLee [Reviews - 0] (1357 words)
*bangs head against keyboard* "I..already...hate...school."

"Um...should I be concerned?"

"Oh Sauron. How nice of you to say so!"

"Well I didn't want you to permanently damage yourself because that was going to be my job. Torture is hard to come by these days."

"I should have known. Anyway. I DO NOT OWN any Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Batman, X-Men, Avengers, Once Upon A Time, Phantom of the Opera, Chronicles of Narnia and Alice In Wonderland content displayed below. Now leave me be so I can do some more shit stirring and brooding over my massive amounts of homework."

"Now that is the ultimate torture."

"Oh bugger off Sauron."

6. Chapter 6: Why Lusters Hate Rory by ToriLee [Reviews - 1] (1275 words)

7. Chapter 7: Dark Lords and Charming Professors by ToriLee [Reviews - 0] (1619 words)
*Voldy nudges Sauron*

"She's back to torture us."

"My dear Dark Lord, I believe this chapter is more about you than me." *smiles behind the helmet*

"Whatcha guys talking about?"

"Release me from your writing monstrocity wench!"

"It's not my fault you put yourself in the bet. I'm just the messenger. Anyway. I DO NOT OWN any Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Batman, X-Men, Avengers, Once Upon A Time, Phantom of the Opera, Chronicles of Narnia and Alice In Wonderland content displayed below."

"Oh hello Tori! I thought you died because you didn't put the disclaimer on the last chapter."

"That's very kind of you to worry about me Tarrant. But I was too damn tired to type it."

"Tea?" *hands me a cup*

"Why not?"

8. Chapter 8: Broken Pipes And Panty Raids by ToriLee [Reviews - 2] (1690 words)
"And who might I ask is that?" *Voldemort peers over my shoulder*

"That's my beta reader EnchantessM. Why?"

"There's more of you!" *Sauron walks in, half a pizza hangs out of his mouth*

"Oh good Godric they're spreading." *Snape comes in*

"You're all just jealous. Now bugger off." *turns back to computer* "I DO NOT OWN any Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Batman, X-Men, Avengers, Once Upon A Time, Phantom of the Opera, Chronicles of Narnia and Alice In Wonderland content displayed below."

"I hope your beta reader realizes just how insane you are." *Sauron mutters*

9. Chapter 9: Picture im-Perfect by ToriLee [Reviews - 0] (1715 words)
*Aragorn stumbles upon EnchantessM and I just staring at each other*

"Um? Should I even ask?"

"Shh! We're trying to see if we can talk telepathically." *M waves him off*

"Oh Eru have mercy! Is this her?" *Sauron asks Voldemort*

"The beta reader? I'm afraid so my fellow Dark Lord. They both haven't shut up for the past hour. Haldir finally suggested that they have a staring contest. Look where that led them."

"Well someone's gotta do the disclaimer."

*In prances Tarrant* "I'll do it! Please oh please oh please!"

"Fine! Just please stop yelling!" *Aragorn flinches*

"Hazzah! Well, just so you readers know! Tori and M DO NOT OWN any Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Batman, X-Men, Avengers, Once Upon A Time, Phantom of the Opera, Chronicles of Narnia and Alice In Wonderland content displayed below. How did I do?"

*M and I start clapping* "Quite wonderful Professor Hightop!"

"Please don't encourage him." *Erik walks by, already rubbing his temples.*

10. Chapter 10: Anonymous Letters and Healing Soup by ToriLee [Reviews - 1] (1544 words)
"Well it's about time Tori." *M tugs on my arm*

"Oh Mandos me what now?" *Boromir walks in with Aragorn and Faramir*

"Well you'll just have to find out." *I smile lustfully and wink*

*Whilst backing up* "Um...brother. I left something...back there...at the place where we do that thing in the thing and...yeah." *Faramir runs out*

"What thing in the thing?" *M asks*

"I don't even know." *Boromir shrugs*

"Oh just do the bloody disclaimer. I want to see how much you torture Rory in this chapter!" *Sauron and Voldemort walk in with 'Down With Tori' shirts and 'Kill The Spare' pennants.*

*M shakes her head* "Please don't tell me you made a Cedric Diggory reference about me?"

"It was the only one I had left." *Voldemort smiles wickedly*

"Oh I'm so sure that's the case. So EnchantessM and I DO NOT OWN any Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Batman, X-Men, Avengers, Once Upon A Time, Phantom of the Opera, Chronicles of Narnia and Alice In Wonderland content displayed below."

"But that would be cool if we did." *M ponders*

"Then I could have a certain someone all to myself." *I say dreamily*

"It's not me is it?" *Voldemort asks*

"In my nightmares." *M and I shudder*

11. Chapter 11: The Story of Linus by ToriLee [Reviews - 1] (1479 words)

"I'm ba...um...M? What the hell is that?"

*Holding up a rack of dead rabbits* "A get well gift from Smeagol."

"Oh...that's...sweet?" *backs away slowly*

"Well get back here! I'm not doing the disclaimer by myself. Voldemort has really been scaring me these past few days because you weren't here."

*Rolls up a newspaper* "Alright, where is he?"

"NO TORI DON'T HIT ME!" *Voldemort runs out of his hiding spot*

"I won't...yet. I DO NOT OWN any Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Batman, X-Men, Avengers, Once Upon A Time, Phantom of the Opera, Chronicles of Narnia and Alice In Wonderland content displayed below." *looks at Voldy* "Now I'm gonna hit you."

"I'll Avada Kedavra your fat ass!"

"Oh? I'm not gonna be the one to hit you." *Hands newspaper to M* "She will."

*M smiles evilly* "Well shit son. Your luck just ran out."

12. Chapter 12: Dumbledore's Carnival by ToriLee [Reviews - 1] (1513 words)
"Why hello dear readers of fanfiction!"

"You've been gone forever" *Michal sets her hands on her hips*

"And for that, I apologize"

"That's quite alright, you DO have the next installment after all."

*intense girl hug*

*Looks at the computer* "The Hell is that?"

"What?"

*both race to the computer and admire the screen*

"Is that...spam? On my reviews?" *anger*

"My dear, I believe it is..."

"We'll see how long this lasts." *evil laugh/cough*

Michal shakes her head* "Oh boy..."

13. Chapter 13: Gandalf's Carnival...Sort Of by ToriLee [Reviews - 0] (776 words)
"Well, lookie here." *Michal puts her hands on her hips*

"I'm sorry." *hangs head* "I've been so busy."

*Pippin and Merry run over for hugs*

"Thanks." *smiles*

Both hobbits leave and Michal starts laughing.

"There's a kick me sign isn't there?"

"YES!" *still laughing*

"Of course. Anyway. I DO NOT OWN any Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Batman, X-Men, Avengers, Once Upon A Time, Phantom of the Opera, Chronicles of Narnia and Alice In Wonderland content displayed below. Enjoy. R&R if you please."

14. Chapter 14: Michal Gets The Blues...More Like Michal Almost Triumphs In Killing Linus Justifiably But Her Heroic Deeds Are Cockblocked by ToriLee [Reviews - 0] (1272 words)
"I don't like the name of this chapter." Michal pouts.

"Oh deal with it. It's actually not that bad...I think."

"You think?" Michal glares at me.

"Yes. I do that a lot actually. Contrary to popular belief."

"Can you think of a better way to be funny?" Voldemort prances in with Sauron.

"Oh, ha, ha. Very funny."

Michal taps my shoulder, "The Nazgul just did another panty raid."

"Fuck. Can you do the disclaimer?"

"Sure, Tori ol-buddy-ol-pal." Waits for me to leave. "Now. Let's change that title."

"Is that even allowed in a title?" Voldemort peers over her shoulder.

Michal just shrugged. Getting an evil grin from the Dark Lord.

"Anyway. Tori DOES NOT OWN any Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Batman, X-Men, Avengers, Once Upon A Time, Phantom of the Opera, Chronicles of Narnia and Alice In Wonderland content displayed below. Enjoy reading. R&R, or her rabid shih tzu will bite your ankles."

Camera pans over to a tiny, fluffy, shih tzu who's asleep in her plush bed. Obviously looking like she doesn't give a shit.

"Yeah. That."

15. Chapter 15: Midterms and the Poet Preaches Truth by ToriLee [Reviews - 0] (1749 words)
"Well heido ho there folks! Welcome to my little corner of insanity!"

"Little corner?" Michal laughs heartily, sipping on a TOUFA mug which is full of wonder.

"Yes...little...hmph...anyway! Sorry I've been out for so long, just like our poor TOUFA students here, I've had to be studying for midterms, so, feel both my pain and laugh at their pain."

"Well that sounds delightful!"

Both women pull up a chair, watching the security screens of TOUFA. Tori swivels her chair back at the audience, "Oh yeah...DISCLAIMER! I DO NOT OWN any Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Batman, X-Men, Avengers, Once Upon A Time, Phantom of the Opera, Chronicles of Narnia and Alice In Wonderland content displayed below. However the creation of Rory, Linus, (Michal belongs to her namesake), and Cassie are all figments of my weird imagination. R&R if you enjoy!" Turns back to the screens and watches the show...

16. Chapter 16: A Spiders Covert Affairs by ToriLee [Reviews - 0] (1357 words)
"Hello, fellow students and observers of The Official Unofficial Fanfiction Academy. We hope you're enjoying your visit. Please ignore Gollum, he calls everyone precious and you're not special."
"Tori, that's rude."
"You're one to talk, Voldy. You're just as saucy."
"Only on the dancefloor now." *does the moonwalk*
*shaking head* "DISCLAIMER! I DO NOT OWN any Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Batman, X-Men, Avengers, Once Upon A Time, Phantom of the Opera, Chronicles of Narnia and Alice In Wonderland content displayed below. However the creation of Rory, Linus, (Michal belongs to her namesake), and Cassie are all figments of my weird imagination. R&R if you enjoy!"

17. Chapter 17: Yuletide Ball Part 1: The Mauve Carpet by ToriLee [Reviews - 1] (1511 words)
So, this chapter happens to feature the late great Joan Rivers. In no way does this disrespect her memory, for she's doing what she loves most, verbally tearing apart outrageous wardrobes.

Thank you to EnchantessM for your always prompt beta-reading, you're wonderful!

Please enjoy!

18. Chapter 18: The Yule Ball Part 2: Spider Crushes and Purple Disasters by ToriLee [Reviews - 0] (3149 words)
(Apologizing ahead of time for not wanting to do the scenes in the notes anymore I can't think of anything to do and it distracts from the story)

Anyway! Thanks to my beta-reader EnchantessM for helping me with this chapter, and the fans fans of the story for reading!
Disclaimer. I DO NOT OWN any Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Batman, X-Men, Avengers, Once Upon A Time, Phantom of the Opera, Chronicles of Narnia and Alice In Wonderland content displayed below.
Enjoy!

19. Chapter 19: DCSD and Naughty Thoughts by ToriLee [Reviews - 1] (1756 words)

20. Chapter 20: The Bug Boys and Utter Discourse by ToriLee [Reviews - 0] (2906 words)
Thanks to my beta-reader EnchantessM for helping me with this chapter, and the fans fans of the story for reading!

Disclaimer. I DO NOT OWN any Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Batman, X-Men, Avengers, Once Upon A Time, Phantom of the Opera, Chronicles of Narnia and Alice In Wonderland content displayed below.
Enjoy!

21. Chapter 21: Why Rory No Longer Drinks Elvish Wine by ToriLee [Reviews - 1] (3754 words)
Quick warning to my readers. This chapter is a bit more racy if you could actually believe it. While it might not be as funny as some others, I feel like some of it needed to be done...for very personal reasons. Just because.

Thanks to my beta-reader EnchantessM for helping me with this chapter, and the fans fans of the story for reading!

Disclaimer. I DO NOT OWN any Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Batman, X-Men, Avengers, Once Upon A Time, Phantom of the Opera, Chronicles of Narnia and Alice In Wonderland content displayed below. Enjoy!

22. Chapter 22: The Hangover Part: Rory by ToriLee [Reviews - 0] (2221 words)
Thanks so much to my readers and to my beta reader EnchantessM! You're all fantastic!

Disclaimer. I DO NOT OWN any Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Batman, X-Men, Avengers, Once Upon A Time, Phantom of the Opera, Chronicles of Narnia and Alice In Wonderland content displayed below.

23. Chapter 23: Frick Frack Paddy Whack Someone's Gonna Bone by ToriLee [Reviews - 0] (3878 words)
Thanks to my beta-reader EnchantessM for helping me with this chapter, and the fans fans of the story for reading!

Disclaimer. I DO NOT OWN any Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Batman, X-Men, Avengers, Once Upon A Time, Phantom of the Opera, Chronicles of Narnia and Alice In Wonderland content displayed below. Enjoy!