[Reviews - 27] starstarhalf-starPrinter

Thuringwethil is the least of Sofia's problems...

At Cleveland's Hellmouth the Vampire Slayers Sofia and Vi fight a fell beast but when the malicious creature goes through a portal Sofia goes with it. Landing in Middle Earth she is found by the Rangers who are accompanied by Arwen and the Sons of Elrond on a journey to Lothlórien. They discover a devious plan by the Dark Lord Sauron to resurrect his ancient minion, Thuringwethil, who was the First Vampire. Now it is up to Sofia and her new comrades to prevent that from happening.

Which is more complicated than it should be; thanks to a love affair with an elf, an evil sorcerer who stole the body of her former husband, interfering Valar, and more drama than a telenovela...



Rated: R
Categories: Book-verse, Crossovers Characters: Aragorn, Arwen, Beorn, Celeborn, Elladan, Elrohir, Eru / Iluvatar, Galadriel, Gandalf / Olorin, Haldir, Irmo / Lorien, Namo / Mandos, Orcs/Uruk-Hai, Original Character, Orophin, Rúmil, Sauron, Thuringwethil, Vaire, Varda, Yavanna
Genres: Action/Adventure, Angst, Drama, Friendship, General, Humor, Mystery, Romance
Warnings: AU (alternate universe), Torture, Violence
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 58 Completed: No
Word count: 151397 Read: 87422
Published: Feb 19 2009 Updated: Dec 24 2009
Story Notes:


Crossover Set-Up:

BTVS: I'm taking things straight from Season 7 finale and am not including the comic book events of Season 8. HOWEVER, some events have been inspired by the comic book (as in slayers being trained in England) and by Nancy Holder's Novel 'Queen of the Slayers'


LOTR: Most events take place in Middle Earth and I am going to try my best to stick close to Tolkien's version (regarding character personality, speech, and events) but I'm also just going with the flow, so no drinkin the Haterade please.Also, events take place prior to the War of the Ring, maybe 10 years or so.



OC: Sofia Ramirez + family (mama, papi, Ramon, David y mas), Amras, Mavlar, Erik Adoyo, Damian, Ariellan, James the Master Vampire, Ivanka, Veronica, & Trinity

BTVS: Vi, Dawn Summers, Faith, Willow Rosenberg, Robin Wood, Caridad, Chao-Ahn; references to Buffy, Xander, Andrew, Giles, Angel

LOTR: Aragorn, Elladan, Elrohir, Arwen, Haldir, Rumil, Orophin, Gandalf, Galadriel, Celeborn, Irmo/Lórien, Vairë, Námo/Mandos, Kementári /Yavanna, Sauron, Thuringwethil


Genres: Action/Adventure, Romance, Humor, Friendship, Drama

Warnings: Torture (1-2 chapters), Violence, Naughty swear words,


*~*~*DISCLAIMER*~*~* While many a moon I may have wished it, I am sadly not amazing enough to have created anything in the world of Buffy or Lord of the Rings. JOSS WHEDON (+20th Century Fox & his crew) and JOHN RONALD REUEL TOLKIEN are GODS AMONGST MEN and obviously I don't own any of their characters or universe. They are owned & copyrighted; you know the drill. Pero, my OCs are mine.


Since this is my first fic, I would *REALLY* LOVE any reviews. Please let me know what you are thinking; I feel like people do not review enough on this site... so comments are much appreciated! :)

1. Chapter 1- Reflecting on the Past by Luna [Reviews - 17] (1270 words)
I hit it once, like a normal person hits a car in frustration. Unlike a normal person, I put a 5-inch dent in it so smoothly that my beautiful baby had my knuckle indentations.

2. Chapter 2- Beats paying $10.50 for a movie ticket by Luna [Reviews - 1] (1343 words)
“Hey now Ms. Slayer, I’d like to see you hit the books once in a while”, she retorted with a bite to her words.

“Ok, ok, I’m sorry! You know I’m a bit to much like Buffy. Boo reading, yay killing.”

3. Chapter 3- Definitely NOT Puff the Magic Dragon by Luna [Reviews - 0] (1123 words)
Eying the portal wearily, Vi commented dryly, “Please do not taunt the portal Sofia.”

4. Chapter 4- Fifteen Guys, A Girl, and a Middle Earth by Luna [Reviews - 1] (2423 words)

Damn. Fifteen men in an alternate dimension- maybe. Fifteen supernatural creatures in an alternate dimension- I’m fucked.

5. Chapter 5: Rules of Etiquette for Captives. by Luna [Reviews - 0] (1292 words)
"Duh. Whenever the Bad Guy captures the Good Guy he always tells him his evil and sinister plan." ...Its a Rule.

6. Chapter 6: Three Smelly Demons and my own Rosetta Stone by Luna [Reviews - 0] (1632 words)
Although the old man kind of reminded me of Dumbledore from Harry Potter, I doubted he could win against the demons.


7. Chapter 7: Actually, in *My* Culture... by Luna [Reviews - 1] (1462 words)
For a second my devilish side thought about lying and saying, 'actually in my culture we greet each other naked... Now take off your clothes'.

8. Chapter 8: OK, Elves are not Drag Queens by Luna [Reviews - 0] (2440 words)
Completly unexpected to me, Elladan grasped the back of my head and pulled my lips up to his...

9. Chapter 9: Getting to Know Arwen & Fighting in the Dark by Luna [Reviews - 0] (2838 words)
It was so dark under the moonless sky that I had to open my senses and feel the motions of our bodies rather than rely on my sight. I jumped up in a round house kick but he moved amazingly fast, grabbed my ankle, and swung me into the creek.

10. Chapter 10: 2 Truths, 1 Lie by Luna [Reviews - 0] (3454 words)
 Evil creatures don't fight fair and sometimes I can't help but wonder how long I will last. I've been lucky living as a Slayer for five years and hope I'll make it to thirty, but I doubt it.

11. Chapter 11: Dancing to the Cadence of a Frantic Heartbeat by Luna [Reviews - 0] (744 words)
Wouldn't it be nice if the forces of good and evil could just talk out their differences over a tea party whilst wearing bonnets and holding stuffed dolls?


12. Chapter 12: Dream Walking with Willow by Luna [Reviews - 0] (623 words)

It appears a man, a sorceror of some sort, is looking for a Master Vampire and one who can trace his linegage to the beginning

13. Chapter 13: Tortured by a Graveyard Pimp Daddy by Luna [Reviews - 1] (1806 words)

Yes," he murmered."The ones that fight are so much more fun. So much fun to break, to make them cry out for pain, to make them beg for their own life to end."

14. Chapter 14: First Name: Imma. Middle Name: Gunna. Last name: Killya by Luna [Reviews - 0] (2618 words)

Ganash crept up to me, as a predator approaches his prey. "Well then Indigo, its time to scream."

And for the next few hours, I did.


15. Chapter 15: Happy Dances with Elves by Luna [Reviews - 0] (2660 words)

As she spinned me, I spun across the room and landed into a solid torso of an male elf..."I am Haldir, Marchwarden of the Galadhrim."

16. Chapter 16: Learning the Marchwarden Can Scream Like a Girl by Luna [Reviews - 1] (3022 words)
Lettuce leaves landed on top of Orophin's head who cried out in exaggerated pain. "You must forgive my brother, Sofia. His tongue is as wicked as Ariellan's, though far less truthful."

17. Chapter 17- True Love’s Kiss and an Angry Hiss by Luna [Reviews - 0] (1866 words)

“Arrgh! Damn elf. It means ‘moves’ like trying to get into my pants or something.” 

“But you are not wearing any pants.” 

18. Chapter 18: The Slayer Slut of Hussyville and the Crotchety Old Man by Luna [Reviews - 1] (1932 words)

Grinning smugly he leaned in close to me and whispered. “Trust me Sofia, if I were to engage in relations with you there would be far more noise made than the quaint squeaking of the bed.”  


19. Chapter 19: Story Time with the ‘Traitor’ and ‘Bridezilla’ by Luna [Reviews - 1] starstarhalf-star (2411 words)
Towering over me at 6'1, he had the deepest brown eyes that twinkled whenever our professor made lame jokes, and his body looked as if it was sculpted by Michelangelo himself. His name was Erik and he had a deep voice that sent shivers down my spine each time her uttered a syllable.


20. Chapter 20: The 'Lame Blind Date' by Luna [Reviews - 0] (2505 words)
I did not like the idea that Haldir might try to flirt with me again, since that would lead to me once again being rather awkward. Hence, vapid questions ... I didn't focus on the answers too much. I was distracted by thoughts of Elladan and how bloody perfect (note sarcasm) it would look when Haldir and I walked in together.

21. Chapter 21: Dirty Dancing with Elladan by Luna [Reviews - 0] (3082 words)
 "Elladan, we should probably work on dancing or else everyone will wonder where we are."

He grinned wickedly and gave me a smoldering gaze. "Let them wonder."

22. Chapter 22: A Week in Fair Lothlorien by Luna [Reviews - 0] (1611 words)
The portal burst open and I felt a pressure on the solar plexus when the portal began sucking me in.

23. Chapter 23: The Mystical Busyness at the Browns' Stadium by Luna [Reviews - 1] (3902 words)

"What in Middle-Earth is wrong with my clothes? This is the apparel of a Galadhrim warrior."

Dawn snorted. "Yeah, and you looked like you're from a renaissance fair!" 

24. Chapter 24: Girly Hair & Birth Defect Ears by Luna [Reviews - 0] (1990 words)
Laughter erupted from Haldir. "Oh, Vancarmiel!" He ran his fingers through my curly locks and I paused at the reaction his touch had on my body.

25. Chapter 25: Haldir, Marchwarden of the Galadhrim, any Good at Archery?! by Luna [Reviews - 0] (5483 words)

David groaned. "No way! You and Sofia are the only athletes in the family, you shouldn't be on the same side!"..."Nah, man. It's cool. We got Haldir and he doesn't even get the rules. So its about the same; no offense dude," he said to Haldir..."None taken," Haldir said dryly.

26. Chapter 26: You’ll Be Saying WOW Every Time! by Luna [Reviews - 0] (2212 words)
My first instinct was to be disgusted. Not only were they demonic bastards but they were sexist pigs as well. But something about Goofy seemed familiar; something about his voice. It dawned on me within a moment as I remembered coming home from slaying late at night and watching infomercials.

27. Chapter 27: Slaying Makes a Girl Hungry and… You Know… ;) by Luna [Reviews - 0] (4710 words)
I couldn't help it. I know I shouldn't have let them know I was listening in but angry tears were already starting to form at my eyes. My own mother thought I was cold? A cold thing?

28. Chapter 28: A Different Kind of Battle for Haldir, AKA Vanilla Face by Luna [Reviews - 0] (2845 words)

That, my dear Haldir, is bumping and grinding."

"It appears as though they are attempting to fornicate in public, is this usual?"

29. Chapter 29: Discovery of the True One by Luna [Reviews - 0] (1342 words)

Faith and I exchanged looks. She proceeded. "Looks like a bat? How old is he?"

"Damned if I know. It's not like we kick it over a warm body or something."

30. Chapter 30: "There’s No Place Like Home" by Luna [Reviews - 0] (2793 words)

Haldir gave me a long look. "Sofia, it makes me glad to hear you say that you support you friend regardless of who she is attracted to."

"Of course, silly! My friends are my family. Now, you don't seem surprised to learn of this. Is homosexuality accepted in Middle-Earth?"

31. Chapter 31: Thuringwethil, the Mistress Herald by Luna [Reviews - 0] (1764 words)
Stories of her in the First Age are scarce, but there are several things we know. Thuringwethil served as a Herald for Sauron and was the first and only vampire known in the histories of Middle-Earth.

32. Chapter 32: Smores and Kisses by Luna [Reviews - 0] (2609 words)

Seductively, I nosed Elladan's jaw line up to his ears and whispered, "Why, my Lord, are you trying to seduce me?"

33. Chapter 33: Shurikens, Laptops, and Sai; Oh My! by Luna [Reviews - 0] (3781 words)
My smile slid off my face and my stomach twinged with a nervous clench. Somehow I got the idea the throwing blades were not the only creation from my world he felt he didn't need.

34. Chapter 34: Spies in the Woods by Luna [Reviews - 1] (2675 words)
We have no future and I don't," I bit off, "want a future with him. I don't need that hanging over my head."

35. Chapter 35: Que Será Será by Luna [Reviews - 0] (2593 words)
"Mind you," he continued, "I have sensitive elven senses. So to further simplify this problem, not only do I like you, but you enjoy me as well; judging from your racing heartbeat and quickened breathing."

36. Chapter 36: Its Not a Cage Fight but its Not Bad by Luna [Reviews - 0] (2842 words)
"Bregolien mentioned to the others that, uh, he found the idea of two small adanith, which means women, fighting alongside us to be, well, um, laughable...And perhaps he said something about it was foolish to have you with us because your inferiority would only delay us."

37. Chapter 37: Nothing Says Romance Like “Shut Up” by Luna [Reviews - 1] (1058 words)
"So," I ran both hands through his hair and grinned at his shiver of delight. "Since I found you and won, what is my prize?"

38. Chapter 38: A Visit from the Master of Dreams by Luna [Reviews - 0] (1672 words)
He gave me a sad smile. "It is good we know it is love now so we can end it before it progresses any further."

39. Chapter 39: Dum Dum Da Dum. Dum Dum Da Dum… by Luna [Reviews - 0] (2266 words)
At that moment I felt so embarrassed and would have gladly welcomed a portal sucking me into the Dimension of Shrimp.

40. Chapter 40: Wicked Sofia Causes a *Big* Problem by Luna [Reviews - 0] (2292 words)
He hissed softly and gripped me tighter.  "Sofia," he said in a ragged breath. "Unless you want me to ravish you right here in front of a hundred elves and men, I would suggest-"

41. Chapter 41: Sharing is Caring by Luna [Reviews - 0] (3608 words)
I asked Vi and Dawn if they had spoken to you about this but both said they had tried earlier until you gave them, I quote, the ‘look of death.' Apparently it has something to do with PMS, but they wouldn't explain to me what that was."

42. Chapter 42: The Fëanturi Issue a Command by Luna [Reviews - 0] (3430 words)

(This chapter is from Dawn's perspective as she and Elrohir encounter a couple of Valar in the Woods)

Dawn felt to need to rise in her friend's defense. "Geez! What is up with you people hating on inter-racial or inter-whatever relationships! Sofia and Elladan are happy, leave them be."

43. Chapter 43: Wishing Upon a Star by Luna [Reviews - 0] (3413 words)
I looked up into the starry sky and from the depths of my heart I said a prayer that Elrohir would find love like he had once had and that the brothers could once again be as close as they used to be.

44. Chapter 44: My Butterflies Do More Crack Than Tyrone Biggums by Luna [Reviews - 0] (4627 words)
"Well riddle me this. Willow asked you this before we left. What kind of butterflies does he give you? Butterflies lazily enjoying a summer day or butterflies high on drugs?"

45. Chapter 45: OOooOO... SHINY! by Luna [Reviews - 0] (2578 words)

This chapter is dedicated to grd who wanted Sofia to get a kick-ass item (to be described below) & Angwen, because she guessed Haldir's confession back in chapter 28

46. Chapter 46; ILoveyou by Luna [Reviews - 0] (2497 words)

47. Chapter 47: No… by Luna [Reviews - 0] (2477 words)

48. Chapter 48: Welcome Back by Luna [Reviews - 0] (1757 words)
*oops* I made a mistake. This was originally posted as chapter 47 but actually this is #48. Chapter 47 is entitled 'No...' SORRY!

49. Chapter 49: Imprisonment by Luna [Reviews - 0] (2544 words)
*shakes head in shame* A few weeks ago I wrote 3 chapters all in one day... And I forgot to post one and things got out of order. The new Chapter 47 is entitled 'No...' and Chapter 48 is the old 47 that is entitled Welcome Back.  Bah! I am silly; my bad.

50. Chapter 50: Nothing is Sweeter Than Elf Blood by Luna [Reviews - 0] (3135 words)

51. Chapter 51: Does Evil Ever Have a Giddy Laugh? by Luna [Reviews - 0] (3687 words)

52. Chapter 52: Not Everything Has to Result in Physical Violence… by Luna [Reviews - 0] (4359 words)

I know I've been a tease with my few Elladan/Sofia romantic times... But buckle your seatbelt cause this chapter is kinda smutty!... I figured after over 50 chapters they deserved some fun after all ;)

53. Chapter 53: Elves Certainly Do Not Lurk by Luna [Reviews - 0] (4166 words)

54. Chapter 54: Deck the Halls with Evil Entrails by Luna [Reviews - 0] (3808 words)

Notice something different faithful readers? The original title of this work, A Vampire Slayer in Middle Earth was just a working title until I could find something more appropriate. After much consideration, I have decided to change the title to "Que Será Será", also known as (thanks to the song) "whatever will be, will be" which is certainly one of the themes of this story.

Any feedback you could give would be wonderful... Its been a long time since the last review & I've been wondering if anyone is still out there!

55. Chapter 55: Cute, Cuddly, & Pokey Like a Hedgehog by Luna [Reviews - 0] (3040 words)

55. Chapter 55: Cute, Cuddly, & Pokey Like a Hedgehog by Luna [Reviews - 0] (3040 words)

57. Chapter 57: The Elven Inquisition, Parte Dos by Luna [Reviews - 0] (1522 words)

58. Chapter 58: Why This Short, Coarse, Average-Looking Mortal? by Luna [Reviews - 0] (4723 words)