"Do you have a house in Valinor?"
"Aye, I have one in Tirion."
"That is the Noldorin city is it not?"
"Will Erestor live in Tirion when we all move there?"
"It is probable that he will live there, aye."
"Do you like Tirion?"
"Ha. Well, I have not seen it in many, many summers so I do not know if it has changed since when I last saw it. But I liked it when I last saw it."
"What does it look like?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I know that there is a big hill and that King Finwe's house is at the very top and that you can see the Bay of Eldamar from there, but apart from that I know nothing. Is there a big weekly market, for example? Is there a park full of flowers and are they the sort of flowers that will make Uncle Erestor sneeze? Are the maidens pretty? Do people wear clothes that cover up their limbs like Elrond wears or are they more practical like the wood elves and get away with wearing only breeches when it is very hot?"
"That is a lot of questions, but I will try to answer them. The buildings of Tirion nestle on the hill and look a bit like shiny white, gold and silver beetles on a mossy mound, and between them run narrow windy streets cobbled with white stones.
Everyday there are markets. There is the main food market, which is located in the market square of Tirion. There, you can buy straight from the farmers and talk to them, and mingle with the other residents of the city, regardless of class. That market is open three days a week.
There are also markets where not food, but other items are sold such as jewelry, furniture and clothes. There is the city one, which is open once a week and operated by the cityfolk. The stalls of that market line the cobbled streets on that day. Then there are ones that are open monthly, ones which are frequented by merchants who bring wares from outside Tirion such as pearl necklaces from Alqualonde or gold cloth from Valimar."
"Are there many trees?"
"Aye. Trees grow everywhere. There are also many parks, small and large. Some of them contain flowers that may cause Erestor to sneeze, but I am sure that there are parks where he may go that will not cause him to feel ill."
"What of the maidens?"
"They are much the same as those here... though less worldly."
"What do you mean by worldly?"
"I mean of the elves who live in Valinor, many of them do not know much about Middle-earth and what happens on these shores. For some of them peace and prosperity is all that they know. But I think most of them are open to listening to tales of Middle-earth. As for their garb, when I was last there, it was refined, but practical, and you could get away with wearing nothing, but a loose pair of pants although I never did so myself because of my station. Similarly, I think Elrond wears the clothes he does because it befits his station, not because he necessarily finds them comfortable."
"Uncle Erestor always wears robes, but he does not need to; the other scholars do not always wear robes."
"Aye, but I think Erestor likes to wear robes, Lindir."
"True. But I am not a scholar. Do you think I could go around in just a pair of loose pants in Tirion?"
"You certainly could, but I think you will get a lot of attention from amorous maidens if you do so."
"Is that the real reason why you have never gone bare-chested in Tirion?"
"I thought so. You are very handsome, Glorfindel. Even the married maidens in Imladris chatter about you."
"As they do you, Little One. You are a beautiful youth and I think they are right in thinking that you are going to grow up into a beautiful adult."
"Why are you so interested in Tirion?"
"Actually, I am not. I asked you about your house in Valinor. Tell me of your house."
"Well, it is about half-way down the hill and a short walk from my favourite clothing boutique, which is the source of most of the Valinorean clothes that are in my wardrobe here. This shirt is one of them."
"You often wear it. I like the sunny yellow colour."
"Here, feel the softness of the material."
"If it is still there when we return, I shall show it to you."
"I would like that very much."
"So tell me more about your house. Who is living in it at the moment?"
"My butler lives in it... and I have invited close friends to use it whenever they wish should they visit the city."
"Is it big?"
"Nay, it is small... small for a lord, but it has everything I need in it: a sun room for lazing around in the sunshine and for my plants, a courtyard, spacious bedrooms..."
"Do you have a wife?"
"Do I wear a wedding ring?"
"Nay, but King Finwe married twice so I do not know if things are done differently in Valinor."
"I understand and you are right to a certain extent - there are some elves in Tirion who have married more than once. But most Valinorean elves follow the Customs of the Eldar... more or less."
"Are you homosexual?"
"...Aye, I thought you knew."
"I did, but no one talks about it. Your lover is that tanned wood-elf with the funny accent."
"He left to return to Rhovanion, his homeland, a few weeks ago; we broke up."
"He left because you broke up or he was leaving anyway?"
"He was leaving anyway. ...I do not engage in long-term relationships."
"You are lying; what about your first relationship?"
"What of it?"
"Well... well... Erestor told me that you were once engaged to be married."
"That is true. But we broke up. As I said, I do not engage in long-term relationships. What about your relationships?"
"I am sixteen. I am not even pubescent. I am pre-pubescent."
"The maturity of your body is irrelevant. Your mind is mature enough if you are able to talk about the subject with me. Is there anyone to whom you are attracted?"
"Well, I am the only elfling I know so if I named anyone, that would imply something illegal."
"Forget legality. We have already established that I break the customs regularly with my choice in sexual partners. Name her."
"It is not a her."
"Oh? Him, then."
"It is not a him."
"Well... "it", then."
"I like Mithrandir."
"Are you thinking or are you speechless?"
"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"
"To me it is a good thing. The older you get, the less frequently you are surprised so it is something pleasant."
"I was talking about whether my being interested in Mithrandir is a good thing or a bad thing, not whether being speechless for you is a good thing or a bad thing."
"Oh. Well, it is a very... a very..."
"Actually nay, I think it would be an extremely... well, I do not know much about Mithrandir, but of what I do know, he is kind, wise, and well-humoured... I think he would be a wonderful lover."
"You would not choose him, though."
"Well, I admit I have a weakness for surface beauty."
"How does that work?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, how do you know if someone has a beautiful body until they take off their clothes? That must make it hard. People do not walk around naked in Imladris."
"Oh, they do, child. They do. Elves change their clothes in the barracks so I get to see at least half of them there. And then there are always public baths and swimmers."
"But when do you get to see their penises?"
"You rarely do, but sometimes you can figure it out. For example, the elf who never wears stockings or a loincloth and just lets everything hang loose is sometimes a good bet."
"Elrond does not wear stockings. Neither do his sons."
"There you go."
"You wear stockings. So are you tiny? Eep!"
"You impertinent child! Well, when you grow up, maybe we can trade secrets."
"...Do you have a big bed in your spacious bedroom in Valinor?"
"Why the curiosity? It is actually a little smaller than my one here, but I intend to have a larger one constructed when I return."
"What sort of sheets?"
"...Are you flirting with me? I thought you were interested in Mithrandir."
"Good Valar! How old do you children start?"
"You started it! I was only interested in hearing about your house in Tirion, but then you brought up sex and..."
"I did not bring up sex. You brought up marriage."
"...Well, I shall be fifty in thirty-four summers!"
"You are barely up to my thigh!"
"Aye, and in four years I shall be just level with your..."
"Do not even say it! Elbereth, we should not even be having this conversation."
"Oh, but Erestor has already had the sex talk with me."
"Why? What does he expect you to be able to get up to with your prepubescent body?"
"He said that I was so precocious that he thought it best to get it over and done with as soon as possible before I did anything foolish."
"Ah. ...Well... I suppose that makes sense. You certainly are precocious."
"That is not my fault. I am the only elfling in Imladris. I have had to grow up quickly."
"I did not say that it was a fault."
"As you say, you are an elfling alone in a world of adults."
"It was different for me. There were more elflings than adults when I grew up in Valinor. But the adults called me precocious too. I think it was because we were often left to our own devices, unsupervised, so we could do elfling things and explore each other's bodies. I suppose you are stuck with books."
"Erestor does not supervise me. He thinks it is healthy for me to amuse myself and for me to sometimes do nothing at all."
"Do you like living in Imladris?"
"I like it here. There is more to do here than there is in the forest... and my parents were stricter than Erestor."
"I am glad you like it. Oh, and speak of the elf - there he is now. Is he looking for you?"
"Aye. I have to go. I will see you later."
"Indeed. Enjoy the rest of your day and..."
"In thirty-four summers, I shall see every inch of you!"
"Ha! Go, go!"