Impressive. The switch between Selene and Raleighs points of view is staccatto but manages not to be jarring. It flows. I imagine it as a movie.
And you capture the mind of a teenage girl quite well, I assume.
And they say boys think about sex more than girls. Pfft.
~taps on Tori's shoulder~
ahem, it's been ages in fangirl's standards anyway since you last updated. Let up on Prof. Bormoir and whatever lucky guy you have there and get busy, missy! :P
Serioudly though, come on, start getting those chapter flowing again. The suspense is killing me! And this also means I want updates for DTRA and The OUUME or however you spell that story. :))
Author's Response: Sorry EnchantessM. I'm trying my very best to get some updates rolling again. And I'll get DTRA and TOUFA updated ASAP. ;)
May I proposes a few corrections? And please don't take it but with my kind intention and desire for this stroy to be as awesome and flawless readability wise that it can be:
"You've had a trivial day. I am aware of your flustered state of mind. With my permission, I ask you to stay."
I would paraphrase to "You've had a trying day. I am aware of your flustered state of mind. You have my permission to stay, if you wish."
Also, it should read "with all due respect". :)
Again, I mean no offense, it's just the editor in me.
Other than that, it's lovely, and thanks for posting. I'm looking forward to your next installment.
Author's Response: Thank you very much. I welcome any help I can get. Just went back to fix it. Your kindness is welcome any time. Sometimes I get side-tracked and all that when I'm writing and forget to proof read, so again, thank you.
Ooooh please, please, PLEASE make it a love story between Glorfindel and Raleigh? There are so few good HET/love stories for Glorfindel. Plus, you need not worry about the mortal/immortal thing. If it's meant to be, I'm certain the Valar will oblige Glorfindel and give Raleigh some Limpe, which *will* grant her immortality and a chance to sail west with the golden elf-lord.
*If you want to know more about Limpe, check out the "Unfinnished Tales" - the chapter of "The chaining of Melkor".
Author's Response: I agree wholeheartedly with the whole Glorfindel thing. It would be a waste of a good elf. ;) Thank you for reviewing my stories. It's much appreciated. I'll be sure to check Limpe out thank you.