Interesting story! :) Well written and realistic!!! but I must agree with Domestic Duchess, I am by no means an autor or anything but Ithink if you reread the chapters you would be able to fix it or you could ask the help of a Beta...
Hello! I see you are a new member here, so welcome! I will make one suggestion. YOu don't seem to have much if any punctuation. It makes it difficult to read or makes me not want to continue reading. I'm not a grammer nazi by any means, but it is necessary or it makes the story and sentences confusing. Good for you, though, for putting yourself out there and getting out of your comfort zone!
Author's Response: thank you, ill fix it asap i was in a hurry writing it :)