Oh no, don't be sorry! Like I said your concept is great, just needs a few structure and grammer pick ups to make it easier to read! Otherwise it's great. We are all new at this at some point and I found that advice from fellow authors and readers helped me along the way! My tales used to be a right mess don't worry! With practice it'll become easier! Keep going! ~ Iri
Author's Response: Aww so sweet. But chapter nine is gonna be great
I'm with Melda - definitely more descriptions and a more easy-to-read layout would benefit this tale. I like the concept definitely but it's just a little hard to read. ~ Iri
Author's Response: Sorry I'm still new at this
That was an interesting twist in the story! Just please,try to make the chapters longer.
Can´t wait to see what´s going to happen next! XD
Author's Response: Aww thnx Ill keep writting till the sun don shine in middle earth no more
The story has a good basic form, but you need to add more background and details as well as perhaps edit your pages a little more before you post. Or you could advertise for a beta, who would do that for you. Otherwise, it's pretty good.
Author's Response: thnx for the critizism