Oh no, don't be sorry! Like I said your concept is great, just needs a few structure and grammer pick ups to make it easier to read! Otherwise it's great. We are all new at this at some point and I found that advice from fellow authors and readers helped me along the way! My tales used to be a right mess don't worry! With practice it'll become easier! Keep going! ~ Iri
Author's Response: Aww so sweet. But chapter nine is gonna be great
I'm with Melda - definitely more descriptions and a more easy-to-read layout would benefit this tale. I like the concept definitely but it's just a little hard to read. ~ Iri
Author's Response: Sorry I'm still new at this
That was an interesting twist in the story! Just please,try to make the chapters longer.
Canīt wait to see whatīs going to happen next! XD
Author's Response: Aww thnx Ill keep writting till the sun don shine in middle earth no more
The story has a good basic form, but you need to add more background and details as well as perhaps edit your pages a little more before you post. Or you could advertise for a beta, who would do that for you. Otherwise, it's pretty good.
Author's Response: thnx for the critizism