Ahh!! So cute!!
One thing though with your dialogue, each time there is a new person speaking it should be "entered"
For example your ending dialogue:
"Will I see you tomorrow?" he asked carefully, gathering his courage.
Gilraen raised an eyebrow and looked at him amusedly. "Will you and your father not have to visit some relatives tomorrow.
"Tomorrow morning", he confirmed. "Why can we not meet tomorrow afternoon?"
"That will hardly be possible", she answered sadly. "The whole settlement will see us."
All that UNLESS you wanted the dialogue to be like this for the style of the story, which I am all for, just try and make it a little less confusing when there are the back-and-forth confrontations such as the last paragraph.
but other than that- capital work! Very unique and fresh. Well done!