I'm still liking this, it is very refreshingly written. Her thoughts, and mental flailing about are very realistic. Very interesting speculation on why the Ring is not touching her with it's malice too.
There are just a couple of time when you use the word 'faith' and I think you mean fate?
you are not destined to change the faith of the ring"
Iris felt her faith was set.
Still most enjoyable!
Author's Response: Yes you're right, I definitely did mean 'fate'. Thank you for pointing that out to me! I often confuse words when they sound the same, but have to be spelled different. Thanks again for reading and reviewing!
I await with baited breath for your next installments. ;) Very nice, I love the way you are mixing both the movies and the books into the descriptions. Also, I have always wondered what would happen if the characters found out that in another time they were really just that-book characters. :P I was going to attempt that at some point, but now you're headed (or so it seems) in that direction I don't have to. Keep it up!
Author's Response: I am glad you came back to read the new chapters . Thank you for your second review. I do indeed mix the movies and the books. I absolutely love the books, but at some times I prefer the speed at which things happen in the movie. And I guess I just donít have the time to write a Tolkien sized Trilogy. You made me realize I have concentrated too much on Iris her reaction to the book thing; how unfair of me! Iím going to ask the proper members of the Fellowship now how they feel about itÖ
I just want to say your observations in this chapter are brilliant, and ones people tend to ignore in these stories.
There is something about death. Whenever someone dies, all the others that have died before come back to memory. It’s easy to cry at a funeral of someone you haven’t known. Death just grips around and grasps anyone within its reach.
Very acute, and very true.
Also full marks for her recognizing the constellations as familiar, and realizing this essentially means she is on Earth - and looking for aircraft lights, or satellites. The lack of plane lights especially would be something that would nag at me without quite knowing why, the same in the day, no contrails, - something's missing, but what?
I'm enjoying this very much, you definitely have a talent and it feels like you have really placed yourself in the position of *being* in Middle-earth, therefore the reactions and thoughts of the character are totally realistic.
A great job!!
Author's Response: Youíre very prompt when it comes to reviewing! By the time you reviewed I had barely managed to sort out the order of the chapters (I posted them in the wrong order at first). Thanks again, I am glad youíre still enjoying it. I have indeed spent much time imagining what it would be like to really be in Middle Earth. Iím glad these daydreams are actually paying out in the story. Good, that means I officially have an excuse to fantasize all day long
I saw that English is not your first language, but I think it is very well written regardless. As someone else observed, there are many native speakers of English who cannot write as well! When it comes to 10th walker stories I'm pretty skeptical, but so far I am enjoying your tale.
Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing. I'm glad you have enjoyed it this far, I hope it won't become a dissapointment in the future.
Really good love. ;)
You write very well for someone that is not native to the English language.
Like Sian, I love this prospective.
For some reason think you have hiked and had a similar form of being trapped in a cave experience? (I have been trapped in a cave- felt kind of the same way, insomnia, hunger, soreness, so-on. Though- I wish I would have had Pippin teaching me a new language. :D)
I am enjoying this story!
Author's Response: Thank you for your kind review! Iíve never been trapped in a cave, but I have done my share of hiking. I know of the joy that it brings, and the soreness afterwards. Once I got lost in this humongous (or so I thought it was) forest in Switzerland, though. I live quite literary above a supermarket, so I only know this feeling of being hungry on Sundays (when all shops are closed here). Itís a pain to come back from a field-hockey match and find the fridge empty. But that just caused by my own stupidity. If ever Iíd be trapped in a cave I think Iíd wish for the presence of Pippin. I usually have a slight preference for the Elf, the Men or the Dwarf, but when youíre stuck in something dark an creepyÖ A cheerful hobbit will be best company, I suppose. Thanx for reading, Thanx for reviewing!
I'm really liking this - the way you're writing this is different...the reactions of all the characters and their descriptions are very realistic. Your OFC is a good one. yes, there are some words and sentences that a beta would go through with you, but really not that much. It's stylish and readable and very enjoyable.
I like her feeling she shouldn't leave that board in Moria, a kind of gut feeling that it did not belong there, and her thoughts of the Fellowship and theirs of hers.
Definitely don't worry about writing this, keep going - you've got a lot of talent there, so keep stretching it, and let your confidence grow.
Well done!! :)
Author's Response: Thanks Again! Youíre definitely boosting my confidence here :)
I really like this, and am tending to agree with your second reviewer-don't worry about writing a tenth walker fic. It's not worth it. In fact, I think this is a delightful twist on the usual Mary-Sue/tenth walker story and will be looking for more.
Also, I love the fact that your protagonist is not the most wonderful, skillful person you would ever want to meet. It is quite refreshing to have a 'real' protagonist.
Keep it up!
Author's Response: Thank you! Itís absolutely wonderful to wake up and find that someone has left such a kind review. Iíll definitely write on and Iíll post more. Thanks!
Re: Beta reader. Have you checked Owlett? She posted on the homepage, under the beta readers thread.
She's studying to be and English teacher as she has said. I think there are a few others on there as well, if she is busy.
Good luck, and don't stress too much about writing a tenth walker or whatever. All writing is great practice and the more you write, the more your ideas and style evolve. Keep going because there is something about your style which is very readable, and I think you could make your character very likable and endearing.
Author's Response: Thank you again, I had not noticed her post yet. We will see what happens. I've written a lot today :) Take care
Your English is very good for some-one who is not a native speaker.
A couple of times you have used a word that does not really fit.
A strong wind played with the snow and seemed to come from no particularly (particular ) direction at all. The else (usually ) ever ( you could take out the ever ) crowded ski piste was almost empty,
She wasn’t an expert rider, she wasn’t even completely competent wasn't even particularly competent.
As usual her tailbone took the worst beating, but she didn’t get sincerely hurt. she had managed to avoid severe hurt.
The person looked remotely human
Tolkien does not use the word human in his works, he tends to use the races, Men, Elves, some-one is Mortal, not human. You could re-phrase that to say hat she did not look like an Orc, ( not dressed like that, lol ) but was not as tall as the men.
A beta could pick up those little things, but otherwise you write with a rather nice flow. You are also willing to write your OFC as not wonderful at things, and even make her look amusing, which is good. She's also scared of the dark. Many Tenth Walker authors keep stressing how gorgeous their character is whereas apart from writing that she's dressed in clothes which would look really bizarre, you have not described her at all yet. So, altogether, this is pleasantly surprising, and. I would advise not copying film-script, as we all know what happens in the film. And *every* Mary Sue Tenth Walker copies the film. I think you're a lot better than that.
You could write *around* it.
“Quietly, now. It's a four day journey to the other side. Let us hope that our presence will go unnoticed.”
I would put something like, Gandalf warned them to be quiet. He said that it would take perhaps four days to pass through Moria and they must not attract attention from anything that might dwell there.
I don't really beta, and not het-fic, but since you seemed unsure of your English, I thought I would tell you that it's not as bad as you appear to think. Some native English speakers don't write as well! I like your style.
You do need a beta to pick up little things - but every-one needs a beta, no matter how long they have been writing.
Author's Response: Thank you! I very much appreciate that you have taken the time to read and review. Your words are most definitely encouraging. I have made the changes you suggested. Now Iíll just go on looking for a beta! Thanks again!