Reviews For Breaking
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Reviewer: Daewen Signed [Report This]
Date: 02/07/09 - 11:56 am Title: Where am I?

Wow.

Author's Response: Thanks?

Reviewer: xFanarix Signed [Report This]
Date: 28/02/09 - 01:32 pm Title: Where am I?

Oh, I thought about this
I was not even sure what it was I would be 'cracking'.

Perhaps you mean, 'She was not even sure who wanted her to *crack*, or why.

Hahaha, verbal debates with yourself are always so fun, lol.

I am glad you are carrying on with it.

The Saw movies -- disturbed me, a lot. The first was very well done. It's that sort of situation, some-one waking up not knowing where they are, and having to do something to save their own lives.This chapter did give me the same sort of feeling, some-one captured and imprisoned for a reason we don't yet know.

Author's Response: Yes, you are correct. :D I'm quite liking this story myself, I really want to go and see the Saw movies now too. :] Verbal debates are the greatest...unless you are in math with a teacher you are scared of and he yells at you to shush it and sit down, that's creepy. (Not sure how I ended up standing though... XD )

Reviewer: xFanarix Signed [Report This]
Date: 28/02/09 - 09:37 am Title: Where am I?

I think this is a good piece - I don't know whether you are still working on it, or it is to be just a stand-alone one-shot?

These type of stories can be very effective, as there is nothing for the reader to recognize. The reader does not know where they are any more than the main protagonist.

I growled at him.

"You wish!" I spat to him. I was not even sure what it was I would be breaking.


You might think of changing this slightly, or taking it out. Does *breaking* refer to the man asking if she was cracking?
If you just put, 'You wish!' That is enough to show her defiance.

Sounds a bit like something out of Saw, which I find very disturbing, but in an interesting way.

He belted in laughter
Belted in sounds more like belting yourself in when getting in a car. * Belted out laughter * or * Gave a bellow of laughter.* ? Maybe?

I heard his boots clacking, once again, across the concrete surface

You don't need those commas :)

Other than that, I am glad to see you still writing and dealing with something with tension and fear in it, I think you are handling it well.

Author's Response: Arigato, and yes, I am still writing it. I have many ideas on how to end it and continue it, but there is one sticking to me like glue that I am loving! :] Honestly, I've never watched Saw, they look like good movies though. ;] I've been looking at it and the belting thing never did sound to right, I was having a mental debate with myself that got verbal in math yesterday. XD But thanks always Sian!

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