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Reviewer: xFanarix Signed [Report This]
Date: 09/08/08 - 06:43 pm Title: poison, eagles, and Wraiths

Yes, I know what you are doing, it's called " Self insert " It's not always bad, and it's good for the imagination,

Now you did ask for feedback, so you got it, and for eleven you write a lot better than people several years older than you, which is why I think you should definitely keep writing.

Most writers you age don't write much about feelings, or descriptions, you already do which is really rare, for eleven it's almost unheard of and if I were your English teacher I would be more than impressed with you. Quite a lot of writers tend to keep their heads down and not socialize very much, so don't worry about what other people think of you. I think you have a gift which will grow as you do, so keep going with it, because for eleven, you're remarkably mature, and you have a very good grasp of sentence construction already. I thought you were quite a few years older, or I would have emailed you rather than review, but you asked for reviews. :)

All in all, for your age, you must stand out already, so keep writing. I've never seen any-one your age write like this, so take it as a compliment that I spoke to you as if you were about 17. d;)

If you can't end italics to start writing in normal font just check you put in the slash / on the last bracket, as I often miss it out and wonder why half a chapter ends up as italic instead of a few words, the / closes it. and lets you go back to normal.
html is a pain to put in manually :|

Author's Response: you thought i was 17?!? :-O !! oh, 'eck! thanks for the complements and i like how you dont put it out like a sudden thorn in your foot. i was just writing, so i guess i will go with your help! thank you! -Arya forest maiden

Author's Response: you thought i was 17?!? :-O !! oh, 'eck! thanks for the complements and i like how you dont put it out like a sudden thorn in your foot. i was just writing, so i guess i will go with your help! thank you! -Arya forest maiden

Reviewer: xFanarix Signed [Report This]
Date: 09/08/08 - 04:06 pm Title: poison, eagles, and Wraiths

Well, you do not write badly at all, you put in details and description. But you must watch your tenses, you cannot switch from first person point of view to third person in a story, you have to either stick to all first person, or third person. It all has to be, " I did " and " I watched as .. " Or " She walked to the door, ". " He watched as she left. " That is an easier way to write I think, as you can write say, half a chapter from one persons viewpoint, and then, at a break, switch to some-one else's. But with first person you have to stay with that all the time, never swap over, I find it a harder way to write myself.

Try to make the Elves sound mature, as they are, at least hundreds of years old -think of how Legolas speaks in the films, better still, read the books, as he does sound rather emo and a little wet in some parts and they both sound very Mortal, not Elvish enough yet. The books are excellent for seeing the differences between Elves and Men, For instance, Arya would not ever be * bored * as she said " This room is boring, " Elves are almost immortal, they do not feel boredom as Mortals do, their minds work differently, or in thousands of years you would get a lot of bored Elves.

First of all decide what viewpoint you wish to write from, I think it would be easier to use third person, not first. There are some published books where an author will write certain parts from third person and most of it first person, but there are distinct gaps between them, and not a quick line break.

If you wish to put in italics or bold manually you have to put in the html codes around the words or sentence, like this that is [i] and end it with [/i] but these [ ] - replace those with < and > ( I can't actually type it or it won't show, but the brackets on html are always these < > .

You do have some talent here which only needs polishing and practice in writing, so keep going and good luck.

Author's Response: i usally stay with eather Legolas, Arya, or, veeeeerrrrry rarly Aragorn. the parts that they do not have a personal view is when, most of the time, both arya and legolas are senseless. when Arya or legolas sound more human, it meens that (i am only saying this to show that I am not fully mature) i am puting my self into the caractors, which crossover writers hardly do. i am only elven years old, so do not blame me. and i was incredibly bored at a camp where you have to mostly shut up, and (as a writer, i do this), in my words for myself, stay away from the other campers, dont talk because no one wants to hear a Lord of the Rings freak talk, read the two towers, and my own writing, and talk to the 'Bedside spider'. dont you think you would get bord even if you were an elf? and i know that ou can put italic, i just dont know how to switch back to regular. and remember, i am young, and i am not perfect at writing. but thanks for the review!

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