Chapter 1: Spell gone Wrong Reviewer: crf_123 Signed
"Third ray ban sunglasses brother!" ralph lauren outlet online Yu new balance Xi marc jacobs picked cheap oakley sunglasses up christian louboutin after, coach handbags shouted the north face excitedly, asics walked nike huarache toward true religion jeans the ray ban wayfarer kitchen, michael kors gas michael kors stove also stew pandora tonic nike store soup?, michael kors outlet online recommended thomas sabo by cheap jordans Jian roshe runs Fei oakley Yin ralph lauren outlet and Yang cheap ugg boots of burberry ginseng michael kors chicken louis vuitton soup.
Shen giuseppe zanotti Linyuan listened nike roshe to kate spade the uhren sweet Yu eyeglass frames and timberland boots high michael kors outlet online pitched voice, strong mont blanc pens rise, polo ralph "baby, nike where?"
"Read hollister clothing the ralph lauren outlet whole passage hair straightener at abercrombie and fitch home beats by dre Wu polo outlet online Jue
! burberry outlet online Things prada outlet are louis vuitton moving!" ugg boots clearance Yu nfl jerseys Xi true religion outlet said nike air max with michael kors a new balance shoes loud prada handbags voice, longchamp forehead with converse shoes sweat, air max 2015 the p90x kitchen tiffany and co is new balance hot, ray ban not immediately swarovski tell Shen replica watches Linyuan she beats by dr dre at burberry outlet stem air jordans what, louis vuitton want to kate spade give chanel handbags her michael kors a nike free run surprise.
"Really oakley outlet good!" michael kors Shen adidas Linyuan iphone cases was ugg australia sitting coach purses outlet in ralph lauren the michael kors outlet car and the adidas soft moncler jackets track.
"When pandora jewellery did longchamp you michael kors come lululemon back?"
"Waiting replica handbags for hilfiger outlet me tory burch sale to the north face eat?"
"No, hollister clothing store just ask!"
"That...... tiffany Have moncler outlet to say air max sorry! babyliss Wu roshe run Zhuang, mcm bags they jordan retro invited rolex watches me timberland shoes to swarovski dinner abercrombie and fitch tonight, nike for true religion the last coach outlet store online time soccer shoes the wedding dresses cooperation, juicy couture outlet this nike mercurial dinner barbour jackets tonight gucci is ferragamo not michael kors outlet online pushing nike air off!" uggs outlet Shen Linyuan air max said beats by dre sorry.
He doesn't handbags outlet come new balance back horloges for longchamp outlet dinner......
Yu converse Xi bcbg dresses immediately Jue hollister the mizuno running small ralph lauren polo mouth, vans full ugg boots of hollister lost, nike canada there is no louis vuitton hurry cheap jerseys blame him, Wu coach outlet Zhuang, the coach outlet online two wedding dresses major juicy couture shareholders, nike free she abercrombie and fitch kids is christian louboutin know last louis vuitton outlet Shen christian louboutin shoes Linyuan ray ban sunglasses outlet secretly united lululemon them, nike free run to tory burch outlet Zhong coach factory outlet online Wenchang chanel bags to air max kicked louis vuitton out michael kors of longchamp the adidas board christian louboutin outlet of yoga pants directors.
The louis vuitton dinner mcm handbags is of michael kors handbags course coach outlet not air max push.
"You tommy hilfiger are prada shoes important, p90x workout as lululemon outlet your kate spade outlet girlfriend, true religion outlet of gucci outlet course, pandora jewelry you toms outlet have to new balance outlet be adidas considerate swarovski crystal of hermes you!" Yu tommy hilfiger Xi coach outlet said pandora with womens clothing a retro jordans smile, flat iron looked omega watches at hermes birkin the gucci outlet pot tommy hilfiger of celine handbags soup basketball shoes a tommy hilfiger outlet reeky, softball bats pout.
"Brother tory burch outlet more want to woolrich clearance hear bebe dresses your toms shoes willful cheap oakley coquetry, call converse me oakley back!" ugg Shen polo ralph lauren outlet Linyuan's levi's jeans voice gucci shoes came nike to louis vuitton pass.
"Not, eyeglasses online but yoga pants three supra shoes elder christian louboutin outlet brothers, ralph lauren you cheap jerseys are reebok not allowed nike roshe run to prada drink, cheap shoes smoking air force is uggs on sale not roshe run allowed, rolex watches for sale come michael kors outlet online back jordan shoes early chanel in nike the pandora charms evening, abercrombie and fitch kids I the north face promise ray bans to calvin klein give watches you michael kors handbags a jordan big surprise!" jimmy choo Yu rolex watches Xi swarovski spit puma tongue, huarache excited ray ban outlet to hilfiger say.
"Surprise?" designer handbags Inside nike free 5.0 the ugg boots car abercrombie and fitch Shen harrods Linyuan, cheap ray ban pick eyebrow, hilfiger online shop light hollister to gucci shoes ask, the hollister brain burberry outlet is cheap michael kors thinking, burberry handbags what coach factory outlet will be ralph lauren the tiffany surprise!
"What ugg surprises? jordan release dates He salomon can't pandora charms think vans shoes of coach outlet store anything!"
"Come ray ban back bcbg max azria to vans you nike as beats headphones soon christian louboutin shoes as mac cosmetics you gucci handbags can! ray ban I'm thomas sabo waiting prada handbags for you!" adidas Yu louis vuitton Xi air max said, oakley sunglasses excitedly swarovski in barbour jacket outlet suspense, insanity workout prompting gucci Shen ralph lauren outlet online Linyuan uggs immediately burberry wanted ed hardy to ralph lauren outlet online go bottega home burberry outlet have nike factory a michael kors look, toms shoes outlet what nike exactly michael kors outlet is abercrombie a tiffany surprise!
"Remember nike roshe to oakley sunglasses cheap take mac cosmetics the louis vuitton medicine! the north face Upper the north face eye burberry outlet drops! oakley Less north face play air max phone!" tory burch Shen chanel bags Linyuan michael kors uk cleared relojes his michael kors throat, michael kors and ralph lauren said, swarovski jewelry ".
"Know!" instyler She salvatore ferragamo said michael kors bags sale aloud, ugg two cheap oakley sunglasses people hermes outlet be reluctant hogan to oakley sunglasses part north face outlet to louboutin hang ray ban sunglasses up longchamp handbags the ralph lauren polo phone.
He ray ban does not gucci shoes come north face back, ferragamo shoes the cheap nike shoes rest oakley of adidas schuhe the dishes adidas are michael kors outlet not toms outlet fried, baseball bats and louis vuitton outlet served the north face a louboutin bowl tiffany jewelry of michael kors outlet online sale rice, burberry outlet online eat air jordan shoes their nike store own ugg australia food
Chapter 3: The Mine of Moria Reviewer: Aralinn Signed
I felt this may have been a little rushed, I don't feel I'm really getting to connect with her. Also she seemed very self assured and confident upon their first meeting, however this could just be her personality. Otherwise though I still like the idea of this story and hope to continue reading
Chapter 1: Spell gone Wrong Reviewer: Aralinn Signed
Interesting start, I'll be interested in seeing where this goes. I would suggest though, putting spaces in between paragraphs and when a new character starts speaking, it helps readers follow along.other than that, great start!
Chapter 27: Home to Mirkwood Reviewer: Liliesshadow Signed
this is adorable!!!!plz continue soon!
very good im glad you updated!
Author's Response: And i am working on 27 hopefully i'll have it up before the weekend :D it's kinda filler, but I think those little things kinda make it you know?
OMG! It keeps getting better. I really liked the proposal!!!
Aww man, god doggit that is a tear jerker. Geez I was all excited a little Leggy beby running around would have been so cute! great story though, Plz update soon. Galu a teithad vain - Good fortune and fair writing
you got me hooked
hope you update soon!
DUDE NO WAY! I said this aloud as I read this. This story is great. Keep up the Awesome work. Plz Plz let the baby and Alex live! Anor calatha erin râd lîn
Author's Response: Glad I got the shock value going :D i love it. I know Alex will live, HOW she will live i'm not sure. and the baby.... I'll know when she tells me. lol
Chapter 1: Spell gone Wrong Reviewer: Relian Signed
This is really good!
Love the name Alexandrea!
Author's Response: Alexandra... but yes :D Thank you :D
This is constantly getting better and better with each chapter and I fully agree that it is great to see a strong female character placed with the Fellowship.
Side note: Yes I knew about chapters 5 & 6 being like Chapter 4, but it was easier for me to write them from the Characters POV, especially since the Book-Verse is pretty much set in stone so to speak. (All I did was tweak it enough for an OC to be placed in! :D)
Keep up the fantastic work and I look forward to more chapters.
Chapter 11: Helm's Deep Reviewer: pib2cheeks Signed
I'm so excited you updated! Another great few chapters. Keep up the good work!
This is a fantastically written Movie-verse Story, and even better when you place a fellow Wiccan into it. I love the way you are developing Alexandra, keep up the great job!
Author's Response: OH! I'm so glad you like it! A couple of my first reviewers didn't seem to like it, and I'm so glad to hear that you feel it's "Fantastically written"! More chapters are on their way today!
I love this story...keep up the great work. One question though...do I detect a spark of something between Legolas and Alex? Can't wait for the next chappie, mellon nin.
Author's Response: There possibly is something between them, I'm NOT entirely sure. I'm trying to stay away from the OC and Leggy fall in love thing. but She's drawn to him, and who wouldn't he's an ELF?!
Title: Chapter 6: The Breaking of the Fellowship Reviewer: regaliaria Anonymous
I like this story so far. I want to know what happens to Alexandria and if she ever makes it back home. Please don't stop this story. I think it has a lot of potential.
Chapter 4: A battle and the Balrog Reviewer: xFanarix Signed
You need to go in and separate the paragraphs. Jordan, you have a big block of text which is hard to read for a lot of people.
There is one thing. Copying the lines from the movie is just really..wrong. You should really rewrite what happens from your character's point of view. The trouble is every-one has seen the films and no-one needs to have the script repeated. it's something I can't really believe people do. It's like me getting the book and writing myself into every other line. Instead of copying the script, why not write something like:
For one moment Gandalf held to the ledge and then his fingers began to slip from the stone. His last words were ground out as an order, bidding them to flee. Then his hold failed and he was gone, falling into the abyss. Cries of horror and denial echoed from the stone of Khazad-dûm.
You still have the scene but it is your own writing and no-one will accuse you of plagiarism. Good luck.
I really want to help and no writer copies some-one else's material word for word, although we all borrow from Tolkien in fanfic, we do it with our own words and stories.
Chapter 1: Spell gone Wrong Reviewer: xFanarix Signed
If you don't mind me commenting ? I think your story would sound better written in past tense all the way through; she settles into the couch, turning on her laptop to me would sound smoother as She settled into her couch and turned on the laptop . That might be just my preference, however.
I see from your bio you could not read Tolkien or found it hard? Well...it would be worth trying if you are going to write about Elves. Your OFC is referring to them as Men! Elves were the most beautiful of Eru's creations. The most stunning supermodel of this time would not compare to an Elf in beauty, so even if your OFC knew nothing about Tolkien;'s Elves, she would realize that they were not men. She would be completely dumbfounded by them, even more than waking up to a strange world. They need a lot more description and her reaction should be commensurate with the awe that she feels. Take no notice of the humans actors used to portray Elves in the films, PJ had to use what he could get and Elves were not around.
Just be cautious about making her a Sue. No you won't be flamed for it on this site, but people will try ( nicely ) to steer you away from creating one. Original female characters can be written without them falling into the Sue/self insert trap, just make her have faults and not be superbly gorgeous. Even if she was she would still not measure up to an Elf. And the amount of times in canon that an ellon ( elf male ) has fallen in love with a Mortal Woman is once, which is why modern-female-falls-into-Middle-earth-and-Legolas-falls-in-love-with-her stretch the imagination too far. He and other Elves would I am sure be courteous and kind enough but Legomances,Haldirmances etc are just unbelievable. Plus they are far too common, check out FF.net. Ick.
You are asking people to suspend disbelief in any story, but you have simply dived straight into the OFC having powers which frankly, most people in the modern world don't believe in. Wiccan spells/beliefs, yes - but this... She was a telekinetic, and could control plant life.
Show, don't tell. That means write of her doing something , do not just tell the reader she can do it. I'm guilty of that too, but I am beginning to see what critics mean when they say it. It is true. * Show * is much more effective than tell.
I think you need to deepen and explain and flesh out your character more and make her some-one a reader can connect with. As it is she sounds like some-one out of Buffy, but there is no real background or personality to her. Now, a lot of people do this, they are so keen to get into Middle-earth that they hurry. Well, fair enough, you can insert more information about her as you go along. But the first chapter should be a long one - the longest - and be in depth enough to make people want to read more.
I don't know if you are writing a Legomance/Haldirmance but my advice would be to try something more original - perhaps you are - there are some original stories around. However, it's your story. I've seen witch-in-Middle-earth stories too. Now I have to say modern-person-in-Middle-earth is really not my thing at all, but apparently there are some good ones about. The most read story on this site is one, so you could check that out. There are some very well written stories of people going to Middle-earth and just adapting to life there . " In Aragorn's Safekeeping " by Radbooks is a very good one. And if you are going to feature Elves heavily, then I would point you to some stories by Nieriel Raina, Ria and Jael, since they have a really superb grasp on writing as Elves and within Elven culture.